Wisdom

For the past few weeks, Betty (an older lady that Kennedy and I met at the apartment gym when we were living here in November) has been inviting us to a Bible study that she and her husband have been doing for the past 12 weeks with one of the apartment employees. The employee that we have met a few times claims Catholicism, but I don't think she has had a steady study of the Bible according to Betty. After hearing this, Betty and her husband befriended her and have been going through the book of John verse by verse- to which the employee has been very receptive. Hesitantly, Kennedy and I considered whether or not to commit to the study and last night was the start of a new study as they just finished the book of John. We were hesitant only because we don't want to over commit ourselves, yet Betty's loving persistence of inviting us over for a while now motivated us to go last night. I think we are also interested in this multi-generational type studying of God's Word...AND they are our neighbors which means we can just walk over :) I love that the friendship Betty built with this girl who is around our age has grown into Betty and her husband opening up their home to her and studying the Word of God together.
So last night, we met Roger, Betty's husband, for the first time. We of course have heard about him and Betty's family since November, but actually meeting him in person was really good! We sat down, thinking that they were only discussing what they were doing next, not knowing they had already just started their new study in the book of James. Thankfully, we came prepared with our Bibles...because Roger calls you out. Verse by verse we dove into the book of James, with Roger asking one person after the other to read reference verses he had pulled out from his studies. "Wisdom...", Roger said, "comes from this book alone"---pointing to the Bible. Saying this ever so confidently, as if he believed it. He asked me what I thought wisdom was...I think I formulated some kind of answer but he said wisdom is a skill of living...and as James 1:5 says- if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God.
Wisdom isn't something that comes overnight...it is a part of our spiritual growth. But we must seek it and be committed to trusting God's Word unwaveringly. We read from Proverbs 2 towards the end of our study last night...which I still find fascinating every time I read it. I can't help but think to myself, do I really seek for wisdom as if it were silver or hidden treasures?
Here is some of chapter 2---good stuff:

My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice (or cry out) for understanding, if you seek it like SILVER and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints. Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you, delivering you from the way of evil..."

John Piper says, "The fear of the Lord is, therefore, the beginning of wisdom not only in the sense that it is the first step in a wise way to live, but also in the sense that all the later characteristics of wisdom flow from the fear of the Lord like a river flows from a spring....

To know and love and follow this Jesus is to own the treasure of ultimate and eternal happiness. Therefore, the command, "Get wisdom," means first and foremost "Come to Jesus! Come to Jesus!" in whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom."

Philippians 4:8

Kennedy and I have often talked about our favorite verses. Philippians 4:8 is one of his and has become one of mine. I'm sitting at a coffee shop in the Little Apple after meeting a friend for coffee and flipped to this verse. I brought along the laptop, my Bible, and some pens- becoming essentials to my morning routine. When I flipped to this verse, I thought to myself, how can anything I read be applicable to my life right now? I am living what seems a monotonous life to me...I'm not working currently, I am done with school for good, and I know I have been saying this in previous posts, but I am praying through what my purpose is right now in this season. I am almost craving an abnormal experience right now in life...not necessarily (at all) something like Kennedy being deployed again but something that is life-changing or challenging for me. But... what God desires of me and longs from me no matter where I am is my whole heart, soul, and mind. Right now, then, that encourages my heart to know that the Creator of the universe longs for me to love Him and know Him more each day. This brings me to Philippians 4:8. "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things". Even in the mundane, this is my calling of obedience to Christ's love for me.
Our faith is also not meant to be stagnant, but constantly growing and in motion upwards as we allow Christ to work in our hearts. So Colossians has many "growth" verbs- 2:6- Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so WALK in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. 4:2- CONTINUE steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. Hebrews 13:15 Through him then let us CONTINUALLY OFFER UP a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name. 2 John:6 And this is love, that we WALK according to his commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should WALK in it.
This prayer in one sentence came from a book I'm reading called "Comforts from the Cross" that says:
Teach us to walk closely in step with You and to believe in what we cannot see from the threshing floor.
Amen.

Relationship

So yesterday marked the last meeting of our church's women's book study for the semester. It was only my second time to go and even though I haven't been reading the book (A Hole in Our Holiness, Kevin DeYoung), I have so enjoyed the discussion and of course the women in the group! I have to say that this week's discussion was one of the most encouraging discussions I've been a part of, and I think the reason for that is because of the honesty that filled the room. It encouraged me that our faith is not meant to go through alone...we need each other, the body of believers, to walk through life with together. A common theme that ran through our discussion was that our faith is ultimately about relationship, not about a "checklist" and marking things off like prayer, Bible reading, church, etc. It is about our hearts. Something that got me thinking was when one of my friends asked how differently our faith would be and how our approach to faith would be if we treated our relationship with Jesus as we do our closest earthly friendships. Obviously, we should consider Him in infinitely much greater value than earthly friendships; but if we really stop and think about it...as with our communication with our closest friends, is He the first one we want to talk to about something...is He on our mind throughout the day...is our relationship with Him more than a checklist...do we make time for Him?
After the book study, I went to Tuttle Creek state park, impulsively bought a year pass that is good for all KS state parks, and spread a blanket out under a tree with my Bible, notebook, and book "Comforts from the Cross" spread out. I opened my Bible to Isaiah and just started reading, praying God would open my eyes to something new. Within the first chapter I read,

"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes, cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause. Come now let us reason together, says the Lord, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. If you are WILLING and OBEDIENT, you shall eat the good of the land". 

I am thankful that God has made me clean through His Son...and my prayer is that in response to His mercy and love, I would be willing and obedient in following Him. Reading through this book of the Bible yesterday, God refreshed my eyes to seeing the bigger story. 

"Behold, this has touched your lips, your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for". 

No matter my failings, inconsistencies, unbelief, and doubts, Jesus has covered them all. What freedom there is in that, in responding to Him, in obeying Him, in turning from our sin, in communicating with Him, in loving Him. 

"The Lord waits to be gracious to you". 

He is patient. Another thing DeYoung mentions in the book that someone brought up was that God wants us to tell Him we love Him, He loves to hear that from us. As our Father and friend, this makes sense. It got me to thinking how often do I tell God I love Him? 

Yesterday's discussion and intentional quiet time in the Word with little distractions were just what I needed. And what I need daily. Minute by minute communion with God throughout each day. Prayer: God, encourage my heart to continue being mindful of You. 

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else.

I just opened Kennedy's Bible and read those words on a sermon he took notes on from 2013 about God's Will. God's Will. Something that I really have to set my mind to in desiring or comprehending. In all honesty, there are many parts of my personality that I like to "blame" when it comes to making up excuses for not seeking God's Will first and foremost. Many of those parts of my personality include: stubbornness, pride, distrust, wanting to be in control, impatience, lack of actual time that is "quiet" (aka easily distracted). The list continues. Although God's Will passes through my mind in making important decisions or in what to do with my life or in dealing with changes, is it really what I seek above all else? The point of this ramble is to say that I want to desire His Will first above anything else...may it be my highest consideration in all things- throughout the day. And even moreso in this season of unknown and what I'm doing with my life at the present.
Another thing that has come up more recently and that I am going to be honest about about is kindof summed up in these verses: "My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God" Ps 84:2. I have been searching my heart and response to God's Word lately and I have found myself pondering the Truth, why and how I believe Jesus is true, and I can look back on circumstances where I have doubted God's sovereignty and where my response to Him in my confidence of the Truth has been shaken. Shaken confidence feels lonely and at times like I've been stripped down to being completely honest in my faith and simply allowing God to work. Right now in my faith...my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. I pray for the childlike faith that simply trusts and believes in my Savior, in who He says He is, and following Him wholeheartedly. So this being stripped of questioning and trying to understand has allowed me to rest...and rest in Jesus alone and not what I am "doing" for Him or trying to "solve" my faith. I am not sure if this makes any sense...but further in these verses it says: "Blessed are those whose strength is in you".
I also love these verses: "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an UNDIVIDED heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you O Lord my God with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love towards me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave" (Psalm 86).
Amidst confusion that comes with this life and in my faith, it is humbling for me to think back on my past from the beginning until now, and see and know God's faithful hand and His leading me. This comforts me when my heart is afflicted. Today, I have been watching a million family movies. Not a million, but close to that number. I started watching one Christmas from 1989 (2 years old) and my Granny Carlisle was there- we were at my Grandaddy and Granny Owen's that year. As I was opening a present, my Granny Carlisle said "God bless that baby". It brought tears to my eyes to be reminded that God ordained all the days of my life BEFORE they happened. His sovereign hand placed me in a Godly, loving, Christ-centered, gracious family and He has brought me where I am now...not to say that those in between years didn't come with kicking and screaming wanting my way when He was leading in another. But that is His love. He never lets us go. He never closes Himself off from us. And ultimately, my faith rests upon what He has already done and accomplished. How encouraging is that in sharing about with others.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.


Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

I know I have posted these lyrics on my blog before. I think this may be one of my favorite hymns. I have found myself turning to the Lord more than ever during the past couple of weeks than ever, and Kennedy is back, which has been so good and everything has gone so well as we expected it to...but I've had an unsettling about what my purpose is in gifts God has given me and how best He sees for me to use them- whether it be working or ministering to others through a Bible study. I just have that unsettling feeling of the unknown road ahead of me. I had a sense that this would come about, because my personality is to always be doing SOMETHING- to be on the go. I have either been working and doing school, training for something, or just trying to fill my time with "doing". It hasn't failed that someone everyone I have talked to has asked when I am going to start working out here. And right now, I am finishing up my masters degree, and have this urge to rest. And that is ok. I feel like the Lord is constantly reminding me to come into His presence and lean on His direction for what is next instead of relying on what everyone else expects or even what I put on myself as far as expectations. Kennedy and I are adjusting back into married life and living together, since before when we were here in Manhattan we only lived together about 3 weeks or so...but the adjustment has not been "hard"...nothing about it has been difficult. I think we are more thankful than ever for God's faithfulness in bringing us together and bringing Kennedy through the deployment and home safely and now we can actually live in the same city, married. This hymn, though, in regards to our past, present, and future calms my heart. It brings my mind and heart back to the fact and focus that God is faithful...each morning, new mercies I see. ALL I have needed, HIS hand has provided...Great is His faithfulness unto me. I want my prayer to be one of honesty in declaring to the Lord that He truly changest not, His compassions fail not. I want my prayer to declare this even when everything around me is changing and the world we live in is broken where it may even cross our minds- How can His compassions really be? 

As seasons change, I pray we remember to join with all nature in manifold witness to HIS great faithfulness, mercy, and love. 

Great is THY faithfulness, Lord unto me. 

our "little apple" apt.

my parents came up with me to manhattan, ks to get my apt settled/organized/looking home-y and did the most amazing job. I would not have been able to do all they helped me with in the time they put everything together. I wish I had before/after pics, but this is the shape it is in now (warning: some of these are not very exciting!):

 

This is the street we live off of. Thankful for good running/walking/biking routes that are scenic!

 

 

(Milo: your bird ornament you gave me one year is hanging on that key hanger!)

 

 

Don't let the tv stand fool you for only serving as a tv stand...it is multi-functional in also holding Kennedy's clothes. Haha.

 

 

Haha, the above picture is not part of our home...its a pic of the cutest little Asian girl my mom and I saw at the K-State open house (the physics department show).

 

This is Kennedy's coming home basket- note 1) I already took a pic and showed this to him because I can't keep secrets (I've gotten better over the years) 2) the basket was bought with the intention to use it in our bathroom later to hold towels!

 

Had to document an "organized" closet...because this will not last long

 

 

I also had to show Kennedy's SMALL section of the closet for his clothes!

 

Boring pic, but I had to shout out to Gradi & Leah that our ski pic made it in the master bedroom!!

 

the master bedroom (still coming together)

 

 

And a shout out to Wad for my ring holder in the bathroom. And the Lord is My Shepherd drawing I did to put in this frame from Rachel!

 

Things are coming together.

This was also a post to be used as an incentive for people to come visit us in the Little Apple!!!

 

 



Writing

For the longest time, I have been a journaler. I love to write. I've kept journals and diaries since 6th grade that I have kept over all these years. I find comfort and joy in my writing and being able to express what I'm thinking more clearly (or at least it is clearer to me!) I love looking back through old journals and finding encouraging prayers I wrote praising God for his faithfulness or funny entries about a boy I had a crush on who didn't like me back and I was crushed! 
kennedy before he left started kindof keeping a "journal" for a few days and gave it to me before he left. He didn't write too much for the few days he wrote in it, but I opened it tonight and read this from 8 dec (the day before he left):
"You're in the kitchen and I'm writing. It's 7 am. I'm so sad this is my last day with you for 4-5 months. I've been praying and reading through psalm 23 and just hoping we will be comforted by The Lord while apart from one another. He, not each other, is the best thing that has happened to us and will happen to us in our lives. He can comfort us like we never could. He is our rock and our salvation. He is our fortress in whom we can take refuge. Read john 14:16-18. God doesn't leave us alone in the world". 
Although during this time, I have felt loneliness and sadness like I hadn't experienced before, I cried out to The Lord that I would trust Him more and that He would make Himself more real and present with me. It's not an easy process to go through, but it in itself is good to know the presence and realness of God. He is good. 
I journaled the night I got back from taking kennedy on post to say goodbye because I couldn't go to sleep when I got back to our empty apt. I wrote this: 
"Today was spent with a lot of sadness in my heart knowing k would soon be leaving tonight for several months. We ate a lot today. We watched modern family. I wrote him some letters. I talked to my mom and a friend on the way home from dropping him off and cried the whole way back to the apt.... He just called and I can't stop the tears from flowing. He comforts me by saying "chin up shopgirl". My prayer: for The Lord to walk with me and make His presence known and His truth known that He will not leave k or I or forsake us. I need to know and remember that HE will carry me. My prayer for k: travel safety and swift and safe return and that God would encourage him."
It seems surreal what we have experienced. But I can't say how much I look back on this time and think about the realness of God I experienced and the comfort received in His Word and being reminded of His promises and His purposes. Tonight I am thankful for His presence and comfort.