entering rest

REST



 

 a hard word for me to grasp, accept, and embrace. something I need more often. WAY more often. yet, many times I feel guilty if I do rest. thankful for new friendships in my life right now, specifically a dear friend that gave me a gift in the form of a book I haven't been able to put down: The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan. I have read a book by him on seasons of our walk with the Lord and his writing is powerful, straightforward, and totally relative and applicable to life. One part of the book talking about rest made me want to go back and reread the chronicles of Narnia books. I told kennedy when he gets back, to add to our reading list of books we want to read together, these are some to be added to the list. other books on our list include: the phantom tollbooth and count of monte cristo. before he left, we had been reading pride and prejudice and the lord of the rings and trying to read the bible together at night. that is one thing I am looking forward to when he returns.

Anyway, here is the part from Prince Caspian that was in The Rest of God that I found so moving- Lucy is going out to find Aslan who is nowhere to be seen...and she longs to see him. A stirring wakes her up one night and this is amazing:

"A circle of grass, smooth as a lawn, met her eyes, with dark trees dancing all round it. And then- oh Joy! For HE was there: the huge Lion, shining white in the moonlight, with his huge black shadow underneath him. But for the movement of his tail he might have been a stone lion, but Lucy never thought of that. She never stopped to think whether he was a friendly lion or not. She rushed to him. She felt her heart would burst if she lost a moment. And the next thing she knew was that she was kissing him and putting her arms as far round his neck as she could and burying her face in the beautiful rich silkiness of his mane.

'Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan', sobbed Lucy. 'At last.' The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell, half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue. His warm breath came all round her. She gazed up into the large wise face. 'Welcome, child', he said.

 'Aslan', said Lucy, 'you're bigger'.

'That is because you are older, little one', answered he.

 'Not because you are?'

'I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger'.

 

This is what Buchanan says- "that's a perfect description of those who train themselves in God's goodness and sovereignty: every year you grow, you find him bigger". 





Eye exam

Throughout life, we learn. If we are in Christ, we learn, we grow in grace, we learn to love. We also learn more about hope and looking forward to His return. And we pray that we would daily have that perspective- looking through lenses that are always mindful of Him and His return. At least we desire to pray for that whether we remember to or not. I know for myself that I need to get on my knees every morning and evening praying God would help me in changing the lens from that of this world to that of being Kingdom-mindful and aware. If I had this lens change, how differently would I live day to day and minute to minute? How differently would I love people? And engage in others' lives? Asking The Lord to check my vision and give me new lenses to see through!

Treasures in the darkness

2 “I will go before you
    and level the exalted places,
I will break in pieces the doors of bronze
    and cut through the bars of iron,
3 I will give you the treasures of darkness
    and the hoards in secret places,
that you may know that it is I, the Lord,
    the God of Israel, who call you by your name.
4 For the sake of my servant Jacob,
    and Israel my chosen,
I call you by your name,
    I name you, though you do not know me.
5 I am the Lord, and there is no other,
    besides me there is no God;
    I equip you, though you do not know me,
6 that people may know, from the rising of the sun
    and from the west, that there is none besides me;
    I am the Lord, and there is no other.
7 I form light and create darkness,
    I make well-being andcreate calamity,
    I am the Lord, who does all these things." Isaiah 45:2-7

Encouraged by these words last night at a bible study. And that there are treasures in dark places- that we may know God. Today I'm thankful for dark places and the treasure of seeing God and knowing him during those times and that He calls me by my name. 

"See you again"

When you watch this just keep in mind, 1)it's cheesy 2)you'll still probably cry or tear up. This just made me think of friends and family who have lost loved ones recently but it also gave me a mental image of running into the arms of a loving Father. 

Come quickly to me O God

To say that I haven't cried much since kennedy has left would be lying. Many times I feel okay and outwardly I seem okay, but at the end of the day in my bed at night, I'm sad and teary eyed. But I've built up in my mind that I'm going to be okay. That I'm going to be strong. But tonight it has hit me once again that it's okay to be sad. 1- I'm sick and feverish feeling. My head and sinuses feel like theyre full of bricks. 2- the one person I want to make it feel better is kennedy. 3- it's okay tonight to cry and let some tears out. The times I most expect tears to fall are at night. So tonight is one of those where I say to myself- get it together and fall asleep or get out the Bible and turn to the psalms... I'm pretty sure that latter concept comes from God's leading because left to my own thoughts and myself i would rather ignore a psalm that says anything about finding comfort in God, because there are times where I read the words and I'm not even really reading. So tonight I am in psalm 70... And scan the chapter as most times I do to find comfort and I see verses 4-5. But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you may those who love your salvation always say let God be exalted! Yet I am poor and needy come quickly to me o God you are my help and my deliverer O Lord do not delay.
I know too well the latter part of these verses. But then I remember the former part that says but may those who love your salvation ALWAYS say let God be exalted. And i am also reminded this life, my circumstances- everything- this isn't about me. It is about the bigger picture. And through my tears God is working out His salvation and bringing into fruition the Gospel in my life. I was telling someone the other day that I pray God uses this time and the uprooting of my heart and breaking down of comforts to bring Glory to Himself. Because this is what my life should be about- Him. I am poor and needy. I am selfish thinking this chapter of life is one I didn't sign up for...but... Let me always proclaim and say "let God be exalted!"

God's gracious design

I stumbled across a good blog post by John Piper the other day that I found so encouraging. I love the last part of the post that says:
"Do not think that your wound has come to you apart from God's gracious design. Remember his word: “See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god besides me . . . I wound and I heal” (Deuteronomy 32:39).
May God grant a special grace to you who are groaning under some burden. Look eagerly for the new tenderness of love God is imparting to you even now."
I also love this Psalm- 119 (verse 71) that says it was good for me that I was afflicted...
I find comfort today that affliction is good... and is part of God's gracious design. And that through affliction and through uncomfortable circumstances He calls us and draws us to find comfort in Him alone. nothing or no one else.
K has been working long shifts...and starts some with aviation this week, more the education/training part than actual flying. we haven't gotten to talk as much the past few days because of our schedules. I have to be honest and say there were days where I was finding comfort in talking with kennedy more than in the Word. I was kindof holding on to talking with him as the only tangible comfort. At his church his family goes to in Tampa today, the pastor was talking about the parable of the rich young ruler...and how Jesus tells him to sell everything he has and follow him in order to be a disciple and enter the kingdom of God. the pastor posed the question- is there anything in your life, anything you are holding on to that you can't let go that is keeping you from drawing near to God? I was thinking how I like to keep everything in control...I like to plan and have some kind of order. I like to know and believe that Kennedy will be ok and will come home safely. If I'm honest, I idolize the day he is returning and we will be able to live in Kansas and start living life together. I think about that so often. So many things have been uprooted in my heart during this time that I am seeing and that I want to turn away from and run to my Savior. I want to give him everything that I want to hold on to that keeps me from putting Him first. in loving Kennedy, I want to give him to the Lord and our marriage and rest in that God is above and bigger than everything. when I am sad or lonely, Kennedy always reminds me- "Danielle, I love you more than anything, but I can never love you as much or as perfectly as Jesus does." I'm thankful for God, His plans that cannot be thwarted, His gracious design that includes suffering/hard roads/afflictions...that glorify Him and beckon my heart to come close to Him.

Knowing Him

I'm realizing that I'm not inspired to blog every day, but when I do feel inspired I kindof feel like there are expectations to meet like I want my post to be good or deep or something I've taken away from a sermon or something someone said. Today is a day though where I don't have anything that' really meets my blog expectations but I have some free time to just write and share what's been on my heart lately.
I've been reading through the book of acts. You know those books of the bible where you think you know them and you've heard about them your whole life but when you sit down to really read, things pop out at you that you never knew? In this case, I've spent my whole life kindof skimming through acts. Just thinking in the back of my kind that none of it applied to me. But reading it the last few days has been, not to sound dramatic but I am, life-changing. What weighs on my mind is how faithful Paul and barnabas and those in Christ are to the gospel and spreading the Word to complete strangers- and to places where God led them to go and share and they did, and they knew they would suffer- God knew they would suffer. But it was for His gospel and word to spread among the peoples.  I also am realizing through just this book that I am so intrigued by Jesus more and more just by reading about him! And it gives me chills and convicts my heart by thinking THAT is what he longs for- for a relationship with me no matter where my heart is- but he wants me to long to know him and love him and treasure him. I think of how much time you invest in a relationship- for instance marriage or dating and getting to know someone. I know for me the more I get to know kennedy and spend time with him or talking with him, the more I'm drawn to want to know him and love him. Shouldn't it be the same concept but exaggerated so much greater in my relationship with The Lord? I am just blown away by Gods grace that pursues me and allows me to read His Word and see how focused I can get on earthly relationships to bring me joy and fill me when He ultimately brings me ultimate joy and comfort from spending time with Him.
All of this to say... I'm loving the book of acts but even moreso am loving learning more about him and having this somewhat reminder epiphany of what a relationship with Jesus truly looks like.