The verse that comes to mind tonight as I'm flipping through the Psalms (one of my favorite books of the Bible) says: "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands".
I think this verse is easier said and believed in the "easy" times in our lives, where things are going smoothly, everything is looking up for us, very little things go wrong. At least for me, these verses seem more attractive when circumstances in my life are good. However, when things go wrong or there is disappointment or uncertainty, this becomes harder to understand and believe...will the Lord in my grief/pain/suffering/confusion really fulfill His purpose for me? IS He fulfilling His purpose for me at this very moment? Is He really a God of steadfast love that endures forever? How can He be when I am experiencing pain or grief? The plea at the end of the verse "Do not forsake the work of your hands" brings a reality to the fact that we need Him. And I am so grateful and in awe that He does not leave us to ourselves. His hand is in every part of our lives. Today I was talking with a patient who has had severe medical issues with her heart and her back, and has been married for 20 something years to a man who had been married before (who had kids from that marriage). So she has 3 stepchildren and grandchildren from his previous marriage. All throughout her life, she developed more and more back problems and had to have surgery after surgery where her doctors were telling her she should not have children and that it would be detrimental to her health. I asked her how that made her feel and she said she was embarrassed and disappointed, but she knew all along that God had a plan. Now she is one of those people where I start having these conversations and I want to dig deeper and deeper into her story- which really is not "her" story, it is God's story (as she is a believer) shown in her testimony and in her life. She said she grew up with both of her parents being alcoholics...and she remembers praying at an early age by her bed- "God I know you love me, but why do you have me in this family?" She said she just knew that God loved her- that someone bigger than her parents knew her and loved her. I teared up at this that even though her parents were not believers, she knew at an early age miraculously that simple truth that was spoken into her heart. She said at age 13 she accepted Christ and her grandmother was a devout Christian that prayed with her and her siblings and read Scripture with them daily because of her parents' circumstances. I am amazed at her story and God's love and mercy towards her what would have been hopeless life. I told her that her story is exactly the reason why we as Christians need to share our stories that are really God's stories- His grace and truth weaved into the threads of our very beings! I was so encouraged by her. She started crying in my chair when we both said out loud- God knows what we need to hear when we need to hear it.
What an amazing God we serve- He is loving, faithful, sovereign, powerful, gracious, merciful. So many wonderful things that many times we cannot even begin to comprehend.
The past few months have certainly revealed more and more of God's sovereign hand and how loving and gracious He is. Even in the difficult circumstances, He is there. He never leaves us. His Spirit CANNOT leave us if we have accepted Him as our only Savior. It's hard for me to really grasp that concept.
So back to the verse in Psalm. There was a time last year when if someone had told me that verse, I would have prayed- Ok God, I know you're sovereign and your timing is perfect and you know your plan for my life that is for my best, but it's really hard for me to see that right now- but give me strength to trust you.
There were many times last year of crying out to the Lord and not understanding His doings, but I was reminded by my parents and others around me to continue in prayer and trust in His goodness.
Looking back at that time in my life and where I am now, it comes easier for me to say the Lord WILL fulfill His purpose for me, His steadfast love DOES endure forever. I think what we all struggle with is when times are not good and things are not going as we thought they were or how we planned, where we need these truths spoken over and over again into our lives- and we need people around us who point us always to Christ.
I am thankful for even the awful times, because it is in those places where God draws us to Himself- where we come to that place where we only have Him to rely on.
So I'll close with an update, but this is what I have been dwelling on in Scripture and hearing in different people's stories that I have heard lately- a common theme of trust and God's hand in ALL things.
Update: I am happily dating the man I never would have thought existed or God could have picked more perfectly for me. I'm thankful for His loving kindness in providing me with and blessing me with him. I picture God literally opening His arms and pulling me out of a dark place and into light within the past year or so. I can't count the number of times I prayed for clarity, wisdom, and God's strength to bring me to where I am now.
Loving Nashville, of course, and more importantly loving what I do every day with people that I love working with and doing life with.
I can't wait for this weekend of rest and being home. My mom is already asking what my plans are so she can figure out cooking for me and my dad all weekend.
Lastly, this quote:
The goal of redemption is not immediate happiness as we might define it now, but holiness of life; not the good life as we imagine it on Earth, but the perfection of Heaven itself."
p. 27, A Grace Revealed. Jerry Sittser.
