Precious

I'm thankful for friends and family and encouragement I have gotten lately just from different conversations. I love being able to talk with friends about life and how we see the Lords goodness and faithfulness in our own lives and others'. Today I'm specifically thankful for a text from a friend I got recently to read Isaiah 43... Let me preface the verses by telling you the definition of an important word in those verses: precious- defined by Webster as...
1.  : of great value or high price <precious jewels>

2

: highly esteemed or cherished precious

 friend>

3

: excessively refined : affected <precious manners>

4

: great, thoroughgoing precious

 scoundrel>

I love that the very first definition is if great value or high price. The reason I am thankful for these today is that I needed to be reminded of how Christ loves me and calls me His own and I am precious in his sight- which means I am of great value/high price/highly esteemed or cherished. I, a sinner, of no worth if left to my self, am called precious in the God of the universe, the king of kings' sight. Why does this affect me today? Because I am more and more aware of my brokenness and need of a Savior. I am weak in my faith and in my flesh, that left alone I can't go on. But The Lord has said- 

Fear not for I have redeemed you I have called you by name you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you. And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, the flame shall not consume you. For I am The Lord your God the holy one of Israel your savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and seba in exchange for you. Because you are PRECIOUS in my eyes and honored and I love you, I give men in return for you, ppl in exchange for your life. Fear not for I am with you. 

good verses

ps37- do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. the salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; He is their stronghold in times of trouble. the Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him. ps13-how long must i wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorry in my heart? look on me and answer me o Lord my God. but i trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. i will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.

catching up

i think that should be my blog post title each time, due to the lack of posting i've been doing lately. tonight i find myself getting under the covers before 9:30, reading my Bible, and thumbing through OLD journal entries from my time as a counselor one summer at K-Colorado (camp KIVU), and reading some of my old blog entries. i am amazed at how much i write. i have always enjoyed writing, but there are some days from this blog and in my journals that i think- why did i write that? but i am glad i've recorded as much as a i have. it is awesome to look back and see God's faithfulness and plan and perfect timing unfold in my life.
my heart, as is with so many, is heavy over what happened friday morning in newtown,CT. all day yesterday and today i've had fox news on in my room at work. occasionally, i would change it to kelly/michael live or the food network- but i couldn't help thinking how the world continues to move on and the focus will slowly move away from that tiny town in connecticut that just experienced one of the worst school shootings in our nation's history which left 20 elem school children dead and families torn apart. my mind is blown away by what has happened. my hope and strength through the past few days has come through the Bible and the promises of the only hope and God capable of giving comfort and peace.

in my journal from camp i came across these 2 quotes which i found encouraging at that time:
"the things we fear (pain, failure, disgrace, rejection, limitations) are ultimately some of our finest teachers, educating us in compassion, grace, wisdom, and understanding."
"A calmer faith- that's the quiet place within us where we don't get whiplash everytime life tosses us a curve, when we don't revolt when HIS plan and ours conflict. where we relax in the midst of our answerless season. when we accept (and expect) deserts in our spiritual journey as surely as we do joy.
my most painful experiences have given me my greatest strength and fiber- what i most needed to mature...through them I was forced to rely on the LORD, deal with reality for what it was, defer reward- in short, quit griping and grow up. the very things i hated have been the making of me".

amazed

if you have not read this story, you need to. i am amazed by this woman's story and GOD's writing and orchestrating every single part of it and His faithfulness- and her recognition that it is GOD's story- He is the author of her life. : http://www.herpassionministries.com/story/.
one of her references from the Word comes from isaiah 61 which says-
"The spirit of GOD the Master is on me because GOD anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace- a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies- and to comfort all who mourn...to care for the needs of all who mourn in ZION, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit...your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever...
I will sing for joy in GOD, explode in praise from deep in my soul! HE dressed me up in a suit of salvation, He outfitted me in a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo and a bride a jeweled tiara. for as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers, and as a garden cascades with blossoms, so the Master, GOD, brings righteousness into full bloom and puts praise on display before the nations."
these verses are encouraging to me today- her story and ministry is encouraging to me. in the midst of pain and suffering, God promises beauty for ashes.
last thing- i love what she says in her story on her website "I have learned that God places us exactly where He wants us, to grow us and to share Him with the world!"

Life AND Love..."DOES"

so thinking back to the book my office read recently "Love Does" by Bob Goff, i've been inspired from recent friends' circumstances (and even my own) to blog about DOING...and not only in the area of love but in LIFE.
i don't think either of my friends would mind me sharing their general circumstances in this, but even before i heard their stages in life right now, i had been led to blog about this and how i have been influenced by the concept of DOING.
with anything in life that we desire or want for ourselves or feel the Lord is leading us to, action must be implemented. we have to act in order for things to happen...even if it means trying and not succeeding- action is always involved and very rarely do we NOT learn from these moments in our lives. for example, my friend is not content with where she lives and has not felt at peace where she has been- but the only barrier that kept her from staying in the city she loved here in Nashville was a job which she needed in order to stay...but the Lord's timing and plan for her life led her back home. but now, she isn't at peace or happy where she is, and would love to come back to nashville. her goal: to find a job back here- the place she loves with friends she loves and a community she had. so she looked for jobs recently and applied again...and now will see what happens...and pray. we are praying for God's direction and leading and timing and faithfulness. but what was involved in her desire to move was ACTION. a similar situation is going on with my friend far away that also has different desires God has planted in her heart, and now with those "goals" and desires, she has to DO something. if i have a desire to love someone or change the world or impact in my community/workplace/etc., then i have to DO something. i can't just sit on the sideline and wait for things to come to me if i want to influence/change/impact the world around me. another one of my friends just moved for a job and was ready to move and change scenery, and her change came about through action.
so right now, what are your goals/dreams/thoughts and how will you put action with them to move towards making them happen? i feel that this concept of action in life has been instilled in me through my dad- who is so encouraging in if ever i had something i wanted to do or accomplish or be or set my mind and heart to do- he 110% supported me and believed in me and emphasized ACTION and pursuit and determination and never giving up no matter what. and for that, i am so thankful! my dad is a prime example of how determination, motivation, and heart and passion can lead to great things and influence others.

stranger

so I haven't posted in a while. I would say I haven't had time, but I would probably be lying. I love blogging only because it is a written way for me to gather all my thoughts and document memorable experiences. the title of this post is unique- because it's been a month since my last post which makes me feel like a stranger to the outside world but also because over the course of a week and even the past few days, I've met "strangers" or my patients, yet their stories have encouraged me and I have felt like I've known them my entire life. this makes me thankful for the common ground and bond of Jesus Christ. today, I found comfort from one of my patients through her story of loss and how joyful she was in the fact that yes she suffers loss in her husband dying 10 years ago, but through that loss she has seen the redemptive work of Jesus and how that can become a way of sharing the Gospel. I had another patient talking about a close family member affected by hurricane sandy, and my heart sunk thinking of the darkness they are facing... and then I thought about kairos worship night last night... the theme: move. how is The Lord moving in my heart? where is He directing me to serve/love? the definition of move in this context is loving with the purpose of and leading to action- which God stirred my heart when this patient started talking about how the storm had affected her family. where is God telling me to move? in a relationship/service/loving/overcoming a fear? I just have to allow him to stir and ask him to work in my heart and direct me...and He will.

tgif

today i am catching up on school work, which i feel way behind. and also enjoying coffee and the atmosphere of merridee's in downtown franklin.
this past tuesday night, i had the privilege of listening to siran stacy at kairos. i didn't know much about siran's story, other than he was an alabama football player from 89-91 and played nfl for a few years. the only prep i had was that he was going to be sharing his testimony and that some of his family and him were involved in a car wreck. (if you would like to hear his sermon, email me and i can send you the link!) i don't think anyone who went to kairos tuesday was prepared for what they would hear. siran has such a powerful testimony and it is evident that the Lord is using this in an amazing way. almost 5 years ago, he and his family (2 kids from a previous relationship prior to his wife, his wife, and 3 kids from his wife) were driving to visit family for the holidays. a drunk driver struck their car and others and killed his wife, the 2 children from the previous relationship, and 2 of the 3 children from his wife. only he and one of the daughters, shelly, survived. he was in a coma for a week, shelly was flown to a hospital in birmingham. for a week in his coma state,  he had no recollection of what happened. after getting out of the hospital, he was told by doctors he would not remember and would not remember that his family was killed (all but shelly). he buried the 2 girls from the previous relationship in a town in alabama and that same day drove to another town and buried his wife, 9 year old son, and 2 year old daughter. the pastor at that funeral home had to remind siran that they were gone.
first of all, siran started with verses from revelation 12...
"and i heard a loud voice in heaven saying, 'Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death'".
siran's story spoke much of OVERCOMING. but after burying his family and having to raise a little girl on his own, the burden and emotions and anger he dealt with were so immense and real and he shares that as part of his testimony. he talked about his anger with God and unforgiveness in his heart towards the person who killed his family. but the blood of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit gave him strength to overcome. and he met God that day he cried out to Him asking Him why these things had happened to him and how could he go on. the realness of his emotions and crying out to God were humbling and moving to hear. we all have things we are dealing with- pain, suffering, unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, etc.- we all have cried out to the Lord over something. i loved these verses that he said he looked at and after his anger and emotions came out towards God these came to him-
psalm 142:1-3
With my VOICE i cry out to the LORD, with my voice i plead for mercy to the Lord. i pour out my complaint before him, i tell my trouble before him. when my spirit FAINTS within me, you know my way! in the path where i walk they have hidden a trap for me...i cry to you o Lord i say you are my refuge my portion in the land of the living, attend to my cry for i am brought very low!

i love those verses. i love how they speak honesty and sincerity and humility and show our need for our God. i love that siran knew Scripture backwards and forwards. i love how he was so passionate about his faith and the Lord's work in his testimony and sharing that with others. he talked about forgiveness and how he finally came to forgive the man who killed his family and referenced luke 23:34- "and Jesus said FATHER forgive them, for they know not what they do".
part of why sometimes i dont believe or focus on the power of Scripture is because i don't always find it easy to believe this verse siran used and i know siran truly believes-
heb 4:12
for the word of God is LIVING and active, sharper than any 2 edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. and no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

i am so moved by his love for God, the work of the Holy Spirit in his life and in his heart, and i am moved in a desire to want to know God more and love Him more and love His Word more and be so reliant on Him and on the Word that is LIVING and active.

bike ride, done.

40 miles. i never thought i would bike...and never thought i would enjoy biking so much. today i did the bluff city ride- 40 miles long. it was FREEZING, but sunny and warm by the end of it. i went out to do this not knowing anyone, and ran into a friend who introduced me to some people that i rode with most of the way. let me mention that iw as one of the few AGAIN with a mountain bike. we stopped a few times along the way at food/water stops which was fun. everyone likes to come up to you and make friendly conversation. everyone is really encouraging and so nice, which is SO helpful when you are by yourself and discouraged because you are self conscious about riding a mountain bike and non windproof clothing. the whole time i was riding though, i was thinking about a quote that is so familiar, "What matters is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Dwight D. Eisenhower. this is definitely a stretch, but i thought about my bike---what matters is not necessarily whether i had a mountain bike or road bike, although a road bike would have been to my advantage and made the ride easier, but what matters is the size of the fight in me or the willpower in my heart to finish the race. i THEN paralleled it to different things (this is what happens when you are riding by yourself listening to music and deep thoughts start creeping in). i paralleled it to my walk with Christ but extended it further to loving people and forgiveness and all different aspects of my spiritual life. it doesn't necessarily matter the tools i have to love people or the abilities or skills- each person is uniquely gifted and made- what matters is my heart and the "size of the fight in me" to love when it's hard or to forgive someone who has wronged me. i just continued to think about this as i was riding and in the up and down struggles and hills of life, we may have a road bike or a mountain bike, and what matters is the fight inside of us- are we willing to press on- are we willing to love and forgive during the hills/struggles- etc. this is such a stretch of using the Eisenhower quote, but i was in awe during those moments of how God uses different things or struggles or people to point our thoughts to Him and i'm thankful today for that!

garage sale success!

as crazy and hectic as garage sales can sometimes be, this one was a huge success. going from unsure of what to do to raise money for the isaac home to having a 2 day garage sale with so much donated, it became a wonderful blessing. after all of the donations i received and what was sold at the sale, $1500 raised total! i am thankful beyond words for the people who gave money or things to be sold. i prayed before and during that the Lord would provide as He saw fit. i can't even begin to say how thankful i am for every single person in my life and for their love for God and people. i am inspired on a daily basis in my workplace by people i work for and with to love God and people in ways i would not have thought before.

this weekend, we also celebrated kt's bday! duck dynasty theme.

Tim Keller quotes

I'm reading several books at one time which typically happens. 1)love does with my office 2) the meaning of marriage 3) starting the book called heaven is for real and 4) doing a James study with my bible study and 5) my dads book. Riding the stationery bike today, I decided to open up the meaning of marriage. I love this book, because I feel like any and everyone can take from it. I'm having to learn about relationships and loving others more than myself. Tim Keller brings so much wisdom from a Biblical standpoint. I read these thinking in a general setting for any relationship whether marriage, friendship, etc...obviously the overall focus is marriage for this book.
"Christ embraced the ultimate "other"- sinful humanity. He didn't exclude us by simply consigning us to judgment. He embraced us by dying on the cross for our sins. To love the other, especially an Other that is hostile, entails sacrifice. It means sometimes experiencing betrayal, rejection, and attacks. The easiest thing is to leave. But Jesus did not do that. He embraced and loved us, the other, and brought us into a new unity with himself."
"learn the primary love languages of the other and send love over those channels, not over the channels you prefer for yourself. We tend to give through the channels in which we like to receive it."

"dwell"

i have been thinking about certain verses this week that have stuck in my mind lately... i decided to research one in particular a little further, which is from 2 cor 6:16 which says "as God has said- i will live with them and walk among them and i will be their God, and they will be my people"...the ESV translation says "dwell among them" instead of live with them. i looked this phrase up in a concordance to see how many times it is used in the Bible- i was surprised to see how many times and that it is carried out throughout the Scriptures. in fact, much of what Paul is referring to is from Leviticus 26:11- "i will put my dwelling place among you and i will not abhor you. i will walk among you and be your God and you will be my people". Jeremiah 30:22 says "so you will be my people and i will be your God". Revelation 21:3-4 says "and i heard a loud voice from the throne saying 'now the dwelling of God is with mean, and he will live with them. they will be his people and God himself will be with them and be their God. he will wipe every tear from their eyes there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain...'" i think this promise and the sense of God dwelling and walking among His people and calling us His people and Himself our GOD shows how personal and mighty and loving He is...it shows His glory as the only Triune God- dwelling (Spirit), walking (Jesus), and our God- the Father.
lastly, i love this picture from rev 7 which someone read last wk at fellowship-
"after this i looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count from every nation tribe people and language standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. they were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. and they cried out in a loud voice salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne and to the Lamb. all the angles were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures. they fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying Amen! praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. amen!"

all this time

http://www.onlylyrics.com/britt-nicole-lyrics-1079067.php
read these lyrics & watch the video of her singing this song at the end! amazing.

trust

trust is a heavy word for me to swallow tonight as i'm laying in my bed about to go to sleep. i haven't been inspired to blog lately in this season of life i am in. the past few weeks have been challenging to my faith, difficult, yet much needed (trying to have a positive perspective). what does trust mean? i googled the definition because i'm too lazy to go grab the dictionary...this is what it says "Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something." right now in my life, i am finding it hard to put my trust in the Lord's working and what He is doing in my life and the season i am in. i am finding it hard to have FIRM, unwavering belief in HIM, in His strength, in His truth, in His ability, in His reliability. my personality is to control and plan and do, and when those things are shattered and do not happen, the loss throws my life for a loop. it shakes my faith. i believe lies and drown myself in continually trying to gain the control back. when instead, the Lord is telling me to be still- to just "be" in His presence. to trust Him. to pursue Him. to follow Him and not look back. a blog that my friend told me to read was just what i needed to read and be reminded of: agirlikeme.com. let me take from some of her blog and i hope you find this as encouraging as i did. i know i have strongholds in my life that i can't trust the Lord with. there are things i am "waiting" on and having to be patient about. there are things i don't understand. but i find comfort from this blog & from her experiences  in trusting the Lord.
"I know that there are some of you who feel like God has forgotten you. Some of you feel so alone and wonder if you’ll ever find true friendship. I know some of you feel like you may never find that spouse and God has chosen to leave you single forever. Some of you long to find freedom from a stronghold, and can’t understand why God won’t simply just set you free. You have cried out to God in your pain and sorrow, only to feel like you have been met with complete silence. It’s like the story of Daniel. Daniel had been fasting and praying and asking God to help save his people. Three weeks passed and there was nothing. No word or sign that God had heard Daniels prayer. He was beginning to grow tired and week, and almost at the end of his rope. It was at the end of those three weeks that an angel came to Daniel and told him that he was sent by the Lord to fulfill Daniels prayer. In verse 12 of chapter 10 the angel says, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words.” And then in verse 13 he continues with a “ But….” You see, God had not forgotten Daniels prayer nor did he not desire to answer it. God had to work out some of the “buts” before Daniels prayer could be answered.
As hard as it is to accept, the Lord does not work on our time table. He is outside of time and space, weaving together our story from start to finish. He has no need to rush because he knows how it will all work out in the end. But because we cannot see nor understand his total sovereignty, we have to have faith that he knows what he is doing. Look at Isaiah 49:14-16a “But Zion said,“The Lord has forsaken me, and my Lord has forgotten me.” “Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.”" Beloved girl, if we are in Christ, we are not forgotten, we are embedded into our heavenly father’s heart and etched upon his hands. And because we are so precious to him, he wants to make sure that we don’t just have what’s best right now, he wants us to have HIS best. Author John Ortberg puts it like this: “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.” Precious friend, there is joy to be found in your season of wait. Know that God does hear you. He is diligently knitting together the fabric of your story, making it perfect. He has not forgotten you, he is just beckoning you to come close so that he may show you all that he would have for you. Put your hope in his love and sovereignty, and when you do, you will find true joy in the wait."

i LOVE her reference to daniel's story- that the angel appears and says "Daniel don't fear, from the FIRST DAY that you set your heart to understand and to humble yourself before God, your words were HEARD...and i have come because of your words." i pray tonight that the Lord would help me set my heart to understand and help me humble myself and my pride...KNOWING and believing my words are heard. and He has not forgotten about me. and that the waiting and not knowing and trusting are a part of HIS best...He wants to make sure we don't just have "what's best right now". grateful for these words tonight. Lord, deepen my trust. give me strength to surrender my wants and desires to you and give them to you with open hands and an open heart.

filling holes

i forgot how good chicken noodle soup is. i remember growing up and eating it whenever i felt bad or just because i didn't want what my mom made that night. or sunday nights were our free for all nights (my mom's "night off" from cooking), so dad would pop bags and bags of popcorn, michael and i would eat ramen noodles or soup, and we would turn on dr quinn medicine woman.
so tonight, i'm enjoying chicken noodle soup...and remembering home. and remembering how warm and full it makes me feel inside.
i'm also thinking about and remembering the voids and little holes in my heart right now...that only God can heal and fill. but when i search and read His Word, i'm reminded how full He makes me. i was reminded today via a pastor back home that keeping connected and busy is helpful and keeps my heart from feeling discouraged and from going into a downward sprial, but i also need to remember to let God fill the "holes" only HE can fill.
so tonight, i'm eating chicken noodle soup, cherishing "home", and searching God's Word..so i can let Him truly fill me.
2 cor 1
blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. if we are afflicted it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. our hope for you is unshaken for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
indeed we felt that we had received the sentence of death but that was to make us RELY not on ourselves but on GOD who raises the dead. he delivered us from such a deadly peril and he will deliver us. on him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. you also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.for our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you. for we are not writing to you anything other than what you read and acknowledge and i hope you will fully acknolwedge just as you did partially acknowledge us- that on the day of our Lord Jesus you will boast of us as we will boast of you. and it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us His Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.

psalm 63

so i'm not a fan of the message version of the Bible, but I love how these verses sound---
"God- you're my God I can't get enough of you I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. so here i am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your STRENGTH and glory. in your generous love i am really living at last! my lips brim praises like fountains. i bless you every time i take a breath; my arms wave like banners of praise to you..."

one day at a time

this is my motto after today...taking one day at a time. choosing each morning, every second of the day to give the day and each moment and my thoughts and words to the Lord.
i'm learning that it's ok to be silent. it's ok to not know what to pray. it's ok to be sad. it's ok to have emotions. it's ok to share those with people close to me. it's ok to share my heart on the blogging world...it turns my focus more on what is important. so tonight i am remembering this verse:
ex 14:14..the Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.
and deuteronomy 1:30 for the LORD your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.
so silence, grieving, sadness, etc...but praying for trust and for the Lord to fight for me and help me! thankful for family and friends. God truly knows and provides.

finding joy

if you know me well, you know i am stubborn. the Lord has to pull teeth and bring me to my end to grab my attention. right now, i'd rather be digging myself in a hole and have the mentality of not wanting to come out and face what is in front of me. i feel like even though it is through painful things, God is always longing for me to come to Him and trust Him. even though i fight so hard not to. even though i want things my way, He is so faithful and loving to be so patient in my stubbornness and selfishness. more than running to Christ, i think we try to fill our lives with things to get away from the hard things or we try and run away from Him...and my prayer is for the Lord to continue drawing me closer and filling me with a spirit of following Him and trusting Him. this blog was really started for me to journal my running and how that ties in with living life...tonight i feel like my heart is torn and i need to acknowledge and write about my need for the Lord to fill me. i am finding that being obedient to God and truly trusting Him is so hard and something i am not inclined to nor do i really want to be obedient sometimes. Lord i pray you take all the brokenness and fragmented pieces of my heart and draw me in to wanting more of you. that is what i long for right now.
"Lord all my desire is before you, and my sighing is not hidden from you. my heart pants, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me...in you o Lord i hope; you will hear, O Lord my God...do not forsake me o Lord o my God be not far from me! make haste to help me o Lord my salvation". ps 38
"i waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. he also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps, he has put a new song in my mouth- praise to our God! many will see it and fear; and will trust in the Lord..." ps 40
"the Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit" ps 34:18

love

This book is absolutely incredible...in so many words, it is simple yet life-changing. this is a book where any and everyone can relate. bob goff uses simple life stories to share in the most creative ways how he has experienced and shared the love of God. over the past couple of weeks, i am more and more grateful of God's faithfulness...as my Savior, Redeemer, and Father. He accepts me no matter who i am, what i've done, whatever i bring Him- all of the brokenness, fragments, "stuff". and He loves and uses me and works in me no matter the season of life i may be going through. even though i don't want to give away all of what the book is about or big chunks of the book, i wanted to write out some of the quotes i found so good-

"that's because love is never stationary. in the end, love doesn't just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. simply put: love does".

"what i learned from randy changed my view permanently about what it meant to have a friendship with Jesus. i learned that faith isn't about knowing all of the right stuff or obeying a list of rules. it's something more, something more costly because it involves being present and making a sacrifice...love does".

"being engaged is a way of doing life, a way of living and loving. it's about going to extremes and expressing the bright hope that life offers us, a hope that makes us brave and expels darkness with light. that's what i want my life to be all about- full of abandon, whimsy, and in love. i want to be engaged to life and with life".

"i've learned that God sometimes allows us to find ourselves in a place where we want something so bad that we can't see past it. sometimes we can't see God because of it. when we want something that bad, it's easy to mistake what we truly need for the thing we really want...while painful at the time, i can see now many years later when i look in the rearview mirror of my life, evidence of God's tremendous love and unfolding adventure for me".

"that's what love does- it pursues blindly, unflinchingly, and without end. when you go after something you love, you'll do anything it takes to get it, even if it costs everything".

Everyone needs to read this book! i highly recommend it.

community

what is my community? this is what i'm thinking about tonight. what does it consist of? it consists of work, people i meet at work (patients), people in the community in which i live, friends, family, church family, and reaching out outside of my comfort zone. i also see my community as a place where i see God in the midst of trying times. i see it as everyone bringing in and acknowledging brokenness and encouraging one another and pointing one another to the author and perfector of our faith, Jesus Christ. i pondered those things today sitting in our lunch book study at our office.
last night, my Bible study had the opportunity and privilege of seeing what the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home is about. we were planning on doing the prayer walking tour, but instead ended up getting a tour by one of the house parents and then just seeing her cottage and meeting her husband and two small children. we asked question after question about this ministry, just trying to learn more about the situation there. what baffled me the whole time is how close in proximity this place is to my work, church, and where i live. i mean, i drive by it every morning, not even knowing it has been there! what it consists of is 8-9 cottages with "house parents" who take in students and children that they are "assigned" that they basically care for and love on. there is so much more than that that takes place on campus, but that is it in a nutshell. what an eye opening thing, though, to see this ministry at work literally in my backyard. it blew me away that one of the set of "house parents" has been there 27 years. amazing.
so my prayer is for the Lord to keep my eyes and heart open to my "community"- my family, friends, coworkers, and the world around me.

thankful day 5?

so, i missed a couple of days last week...i guess weekends are not included in my thankful days. i just finished some schoolwork and am headed to the gym. today and all weekend i am thankful for the people around me who encourage me and walk through life with me. God has truly blessed me with amazing parents, brother, friends, extended family, and last but not least, co-workers. I have realized the day to day can be a struggle...but the amazing staff i have to walk through the day to day keeps me encouraged and lifts my spirits! i am thankful for my parents who are more than supportive of everything and have taught me so much about life. i am thankful for friends that i can call (kiersten, i have to mention your name) while i'm walking and i can tell her all of the ways i have been encouraged after she asks me how my week was after being back from korea. i am just as encouraged by her life and what God is doing...i am thankful for church friends, Bible study friends that help me write notecards to every single child on the "Sponsor a Child" site at the Isaac Home in Seoul...God has grown my heart to have a desire to love on those children in hard ways since i am miles away, but He has blessed me with the hearts of 3 other people who are coming alongside me to bless those children. The excitement my friends have for the isaac home leaves me speechless. i am thankful for friends that pray over me and with me and for me through the struggles. i am thankful for friends i can confide in and who are just living life with me in pursuit of something greater. thankful thankful thankful!
continuing to pray for ways for fund-raising for the isaac home...how to raise awareness. i am trying to spread the word any way that i can and ideas are always welcome. happy monday!

thankful day 4

today I'm thankful for a few things but 2 in particular in my mind. hope and the sovereignty of God. hope because I am fallen and he's given me hope in eternal life by his grace! sovereignty because I know he has every detail in my life in his hand and has been faithful in leading me. Lord help me trust.
today and the past few days I have been thinking about a verse that was shared on a blog talking about faith as big as a mustard seed yet even that small we can have faith enough to say to a mountain "move" and have faith God can do it. my faith has been tried and tested lately and as small as or smaller than a mustard seed, yet he can still use me and He continues to work in my sinful heart through His Spirit. I am praying for wisdom & guidance on how to raise funds and awareness for the Isaac home in south Korea. my heart has become attached to the hearts of those precious children!!!

thankful day 3

today I'm thankful for the Word of God. not only in guiding terms where He leads us through "words" but His Word in Scripture. I have read so many people's faith stories and how important the Living Word is in our spiritual growth. it is renewing and reviving and refreshing to my heart and soul. as distracted as I am from reading His Word, I am reminded when I do how much I need it...daily! Your word have I laid up in my heart, that I might not sin against You. Psalm 119: 11 Every word of God is tried and purified; He is a shield to those who trust and take refuge in Him. Proverbs 30: 5 For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart. Hebrews 4: 12 Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of Your law. Psalm 119: 18 I will meditate on Your precepts and have respect to Your ways [the paths of life marked out by Your law]. Psalm 119: 15 Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by His inspiration) and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, [and] for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God's will in thought, purpose, and action). 2 Timothy 3: 16 But what does it say? The Word (God's message in Christ) is near you, on your lips and in your heart; that is, the Word of faith which we preach. Romans 10: 8 Sky and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away. Matthew 24: 35 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119: 105

thankful day 2

today I'm thankful for prayer. I am thankful for being able to talk with the Lord and give him my day and I am reminded the past coupe of days the importance of staying my mind on him throughout the day every second and moment I need to talk to him about and trust him with. to me, this doesn't come easily. my mind is consumed by the checklists and what I have to do...so it takes me intentionally making the prayers come out. speaking of intentionality...this is something I realized is an act of love and kindness and adds meaning and joy to your day. today i noticed how dr kemp asked us how we were doing, how our days were going, and if we were happy today...I think everyone including myself had to process what he asked. it almost stopped my brain from working because I am not asked that often! when patients ask me how I'm doing it makes me stop what im doing! but what a difference that makes in my day and can make in anyone's day if we stop and take 2 seconds to ask those questions! it brings joy and depth. so does continual prayer!

thankful day 1

today I'm thankful for life and new mercies. I'm thankful for Gods grace that covers me in spite of what and who I am. no matter my condition He is FULL of grace and new mercies and life. yesterday mikes preaching was on do we more than just memorize the truth- do we really know it and how really knowing could change our lives. even though I am sinful and selfish do I truly know Jesus accepts me and really died for me? I think I memorize and think I "know" sometimes, but I think if I did, my life on a daily basis would look different. thank you Lord for your new mercies... I long for your Spirit to change me and I long to see people's lives changed through that! loving the lyrics to this song by Aaron shust: my hope is in you Lord all the day long I wont be shaken by drought or storm the peace that passes understanding is my song. and another song by fee: glory to God forever...take my life and let it be all for you and for YOUR glory take my life and let it be yours.  each day this week I am posting something I am grateful for. so much I take for granted!

i am missing those faces already. jet lag has gotten the best of me the past couple of days. i find myself in a struggle between gratefulness and sadness and unsurety in how to "help" those babies and the holt agency and orphanos with the resources i have been given, and how to help when i am so many miles away. praying how the Lord can use me. i see so much of my story in those babies' faces. i can't count how many times i have looked at those pictures and thought about how my life could have turned out, but those thoughts turn to what to do next in serving Christ and loving His people- people not just in korea but people i encounter daily. how many opportunities do we pass up and miss daily to love someone because we are too consumed with our own lives. last night i started writing the letter to my birthmom and attaching pictures--all to send to holt to have them put in my file...and i started to cry while writing it...1)i felt as though i was introducing myself to a stranger and 2)all i wanted to say over and over again was "thank you"...and this overwhelming sense of gratefulness has come over me, and i told her in the letter how i just wanted to hug her and thank her for choosing life and giving me life. it has been an emotional past week or so, but excited to see how the Lord continues to hold my life in His hands, every detail, every way He will use me- however that may be- i am overjoyed!

memoirs of korea

the pictures are worth so much more to me than i could say in words...i feel so blessed to have gotten to go to seoul this past week. it was an amazing trip with so many memories that were made with my mom and in my life in general that will last forever. i had written out in my journal during the trip all of what i wanted to blog, but naturally it changes (what i want to write about). i am beyond grateful for being able to go on this trip. i feel so much was taken away from this trip that it is hard to be home. i am praying the Lord will show me how and if He wants me to use this trip and experience in ministering to people and sharing His love with others. only as of a few years ago did i see sharing my adoption story as part of my testimony. it is a privilege for me to claim adoption but to understand God's love more personally with going through adoption and growing up knowing that process. seeing my file at holt and going through the papers (which we have a copy of at home and i have seen years ago) brought a lot of emotions. part of me was sad to see that i was given a "number" and just assigned a name, and to think about what a birth mom has to go through to have a baby and give that child up to someone else. it definitely brought out gratefulness, i felt so grateful to have the perfect family and home and grateful even to my birth mom for choosing adoption and choosing to give me life as hard as that may have been for her. i can't imagine how hard that is. it made me sad too for the babies we got to meet at holt post adoption services. these babies "wait" in the reception center until either 1) they are adopted 2) they go to a foster home 3) they go to an orphanage. korean babies can be adopted after 5 months. they can only stay at the holt reception center until about 2 years old. that was definitely a sad experience for me to see and i wish i could have taken home all of those babies. my heart is full of gratitude but also sadness and a desire to give of my resources to help holt in their services and care for those babies that are brought to their office. the lady we met with told us of devastating stories of babies that are reported to them that have just been found dead in trash cans or lockers at schools. i know that is graphic and hard to take in, but can you imagine? i compare going to korea and coming back as kindof when you come back from a missions trip and your life is changed and put into perspective. i came home to a broken air conditioner...with my apt being a whopping 95 degrees. i've tried so hard to not complain- thinking about those babies and that they don't even have a "home" that could even have an air conditioner- there are greater things and problems than my broken air conditioner. so here i am sweating...but still thankful- which is so difficult! another experience i am grateful for on this trip was being able to go to the isaac home. the fact that we were even able to find this children's home (orphanage) was an experience in itself. we took the subway, which not much is in english. along the way, we made friends with several people when we were trying to find people who spoke english and could help us. the highlight of this experience was meeting the little girl that our family sponsors through orphanos (sponsored by first evan). we never met the first little girl we sponsored, but it was so special to see her and see the orphanage that we sponsor. we have met the director mrs noh before through church friends when she came to visit in memphis. it was the same emotional roller coaster- excited and grateful yet sad for these children going through what i could have gone through had i not been adopted. anyway, i think my heart is just full of things and spread over what to do next and praying about how to make those desires of helping be put into action! the lady we met with at holt told us that the korean system/government is ttalking strongly about closing international adoptions from korea, which would be terrible. orphanages would be the solution. she also told me to wait to try and search for my birth mother, as that can break up and tear apart a family if she is married now and has children and has never told them she had a child so long ago. so i am planning on writing a letter and sending photos to put in my "file" so if she were to be in contact with holt, she can read the letter and see pictures. in the letter i am going to ask if she would send a letter/pictures for me to see of herself and if i have any brothers and sisters. as far as actually meeting her, that doesn't have to happen and especially not anytime soon. family is a big part of the korean culture and tearing that apart would not be something i want to do. my mom and i also got to visit with paul and rachel which was so much fun! so fun to see where they live and their daily life places they go to and visit. i hope to one day go back. it was so great to see the korean culture and where i was born. it brought emotions i knew i would feel and experience. such a blessing!

why am i here?

well once again i have been slacking on the blogging. mainly because school has started back and it is very time consuming, as is work and running. i am feeling compelled to blog and write in my journal tonight though because of the past few days at work. let me preface by saying i work in an amazing office. i would say the best office. i have caught myself thinking about how thankful i am to be surrounded by such an amazing group of coworkers and their hard work ethic, positive attitudes, and servant spirits...definitely qualities that challenge and push me daily. one of the core values and missions at the office is to strive for excellence and drive change and leadership and bring energy and positive attitudes and love well. but lately i have been focusing on the core value of striving for excellence- in all things. before every patient, i have caught myself taking a step back and thinking about that core value. do i truly strive for excellence every second of my day and with each patient? i have been raised in a home that by the grace of God has pushed me to strive for excellence, because God has blessed me with skills, health, and abilities to perform what i do at my job and has blessed me with a functional brain. God has blessed me beyond words. these things have been brought to my attention so much lately at work, and i KNOW in my heart they are because God wants me where He has me. He is teaching me to completely rely on Him in trying times...at work when the schedule is crazy or i have a difficult patient or i just feel like i "can't", He is teaching me to be in constant prayer and communication with Him. now you're wondering why the title of my post is "why am i here"? i can't tell you how many patients i have had in just the past 3 or 4 days of work that have either gone through adopting or are in the beginning stages or in the process. growing up, i did not talk about my adoption story with hardly ANYONE unless i was asked...unless it was brought up, and not by me. i never really was interested in the adoption process or my own story or sharing it with others. but lately, i see glimpses of where God is COMPLETELY opening my heart to this to where i am able to talk so freely about it and with humility and gratefulness of understanding His sovereignty and unconditional love and that He is in absolute control of my every moment. so i have been brought to tears the past 2 days twice with different patients when talking about adoption. i get chills up and down to think how great God is, how He has been holding my life in His hand, and how big He truly is. but enough focusing on my own story- i have been in constant thought about- God, why am i here? why have you brought these people into my life, opened this door to a perfect kingdom-minded job/office, and now i am having all of these emotional experiences of being able to share my adoption story- where i am EXCITED to talk about it and share? and i think- this HAS to be how the Lord is using me...and using these experiences to grow my relationship with Him. i can't express all of these emotions other than gratefulness and complete humility that i have been feeling...and simply because of God's love. so Lord, i am here for your purpose, for you to use me however you see fit, and to bring glory to your name. i pray that He will continue to use me and use my story and guide me in His direction for my life- my heart has grown so much for the adoption community. my heart feels so greatly for couples who are going through that process and it made me grieve deeply inside when i heard someone talking about it being a financial issue but that they just felt that God was in control and He would provide and they could only live and walk by faith even though it was so hard. my mind directly thought- how could i give them money?! how could we raise funds for this? i would love to help in that way! i don't know how the Lord is working in this...but i only pray that He would show me and would draw my heart to His in how to share my story and how He is using me and will use me in great ways. i also feel He is preparing my heart for my trip to korea with my mom here in a couple of weeks- and i am so excited. back to the books!

weekend recap

this weekend was very relaxed, thankfully! friday i caught up on laundry/cleaning & hiked at radnor lake with a friend & then got to catch up with more friends in downtown franklin. the weather was absolutely perfect this weekend. saturday i did a long run :( 13.6 & then played some sand vball that afternoon & went to dinner with some work friends! it is fun to hang out with them and see them outside the office setting! i've tried to get back into the swing of school early...but have not been that successful. i've read a few chapters for the class that starts tomorrow and goes thru july...then i have another class that starts july-august. i've gotten to relax and have a lot of down time this weekend which has been needed...this coming week will start up CRAZY with school and working a 5 day week (as opposed to 4)... loving the summer weather & sun!!

summer is HERE

it is ridiculously hot outside. i am not a hot weather person. but hot weather also means summer...which means somewhat of "breaks"/vacation/relaxation/traveling, whatever word you associate with summer the most. for me this summer, the word i am associating with is TRAVEL. which i really am not going to be doing THAT much traveling, but my mom and i are planning to go to korea the end of june thru beginning of july! i can't begin to express how excited i am about going to south korea (where i was born) and while i am there- hopefully being able to visit the adoption agency office which i was adopted through and possibly meeting my foster mother/seeing my foster home. i have been in touch with the adoption agency office here in the united states, and the lady that has been helping me sent an insanely long email about my "file" and a little bit about my history and the history of adoption and family processes in south korea. i have been so excited that each time i email her back, i have more and more questions. but thinking about this trip is also emotional. the other night when i read the email from the lady, i cried...and cried. and not in a sad way, but in thinking about i will never see my birthmom/meet her or even get to know what she looks like. and i hope and pray she knows Jesus so i can meet her in heaven. i want to know so badly what she looks like. i have no desire for a relationship with her, not for any reason, other than the language barrier and how EXTREMELY hard that would be. but that tangible information of- what she looks like, her name, how many brothers/sisters she has, if she is married now/has a family, if i have blood-related siblings, who my father was, etc..- that information i will never have. and i just broke down and cried the other night thinking about all of that. as excited as i am about this trip, i know it will also be emotional and hard at times. but i am so grateful my mom is going with me, and she is such a good planner and trip planner. she would make a great travel agent. it also makes me thankful for where i am, and how the Lord's hand has been on my life since i was conceived. so planning and thinking about this trip has been wonderful and emotional all at the same time! i am excited too to get to see rachel & paul and see their lives in korea! grateful for a day of rest today & a long weekend...3 days of work! happy monday & bachelorette watching!

irony

this past weekend was a relaxing, family-filled time. i went to memphis thursday night and spent the weekend there..hanging out with the fam, michael w, and seeing friends last night. it seems like my blogging streak is about once a week now...oh well, i am trying to keep up but also enjoy my time off from school until june! i saw the avengers this past weekend...if you have not seen it, i highly recommend. SO good. robert downey jr is by far the best. oh, and thor...there are no words that describe thor. today, being mother's day, was chill. we usually just go out to eat for mother's/father's day. my dad had to work today after church so mom and i ended up going home and watching the grizz game. she is crazy about the grizzlies. she gets very into the games. i entitled this blog post "irony" because of the topic i am going to talk about. i have written about the book empty promises by pete wilson that my office is reading together. we talk about it on thursdays. well this thursday we talked about approval addiction...how our society is so wired for this. think about it- why do we tweet/post things on facebook/text/blog even? we want a reaction. we want people to "like" us. we want their stamp of approval or their response. why am i blogging right now? well, it is therapeutic and something i love, but i also get caught up in who reads this and do they actually care about what i am posting? same at work- why do i want people to like me- my patients/coworkers? why do i want my boss to think i do a good job? because to some extent or another i am addicted to people's approval. i have always seen myself as a people pleaser. it is hard for me to say no. it definitely upsets me when i think i have hurt someone's feelings or they are mad at me. i post things on facebook, because i want that immediate reaction. i tweet because i want a reaction. i text because i want that immediate response. in this bubble of a culture we are sucked into, we are all in some way addicted to this people approval notion. so what does our generation need to do about this problem- and yes i think of it as a problem. ultimately i think about what are we looking to to fill us? what are we looking to to satisfy our heart's longings? well i think first of all we have to recognize where we stumble in this...just the past few days, i have thought before texting/tweeting/facebook...i have thought before i do any of that, "why am i doing this"? i am AWARE of my faults and stumbling. so after awareness, i think we have to be intentional, just like with anything else we desire to change or do differently. even in relationships, we have to be conscious and considerate of the other person. it takes time. we have to be intentional about spending time with people these days. in my case, i have to look at my planner and my schedule and think about ok when can i be "intentional" with this person to go and hang out when we usually do not have the time to? our schedules are so filled. our phones keep us constantly connected with the outside world...email, facebook, twitter, texting, phone calls, music, videos, ETC!!! it is overwhelming! so the past few days although it has been a struggle, i have tried to be INTENTIONAL about putting my phone down and somewhat "disconnecting". i have been testing within myself if this is even possible! can i put my phone down when i am in a group of people and we are hanging out and not look at it for a few hours? am i really that approval addicted or addicted to being connected? it sickens me to think how much time i spend "connected" to the world and my selfish addictions and the time i could be spending with the Lord. convicting right? so i went to get ice cream with a friend friday and i put my phone in my car and put it on silent...trying so hard not to check it for 1 hour. success! in the group hang out last night for a friend's going away party, i put my phone in my purse...trying hard not to check. success! what was going on in my mind though- who texted me back? i can check it when i get in the car! i hope someone texted me! or called me! or posted on my facebook! i hope i hope! i am addicted. so this week my challenge for myself is disconnect (in moderation). i am not going to go all amish. but i am going to slow down this craving for "approval" or connection with people via my phone...and instead be intentional about relationships and spending time with people and being intentional about putting my phone away when i am with people. now when i am around people and now that i am AWARE of this, i can see how it is rude. it comes across as i am more interested in someone/something else than the time i am spending with you or other people. so this is ironic, because i am posting a blog post hoping people will read this...:) happy mother's day & new week!

Lists

So today I am relaxing and thankful it is Friday. I have a list of things I need to do today, starting with getting my car maintenance done- 50,000 miles. Yikes! I woke up this morning kind of feeling restless and thinking I have a lot to do, but realized I only have little errands here and there... No school work for 4 weeks...I get a short break! No work today. Fridays are good. Got a walk in this morning and enjoyed the warmth and breeze! Now that I'm at Nissan waiting on my car, I have a minute to relax...and blog. As an office, we are currently reading a book by Pete Wilson called empty promises. On Thursdays we meet as a staff and talk about it and how it pertains to the workplace and how our office functions as a Christ-focused place. It has been awesome...something that has definitely been an encouragement. I love this verse that Pete points out in one of his chapters about chasing after fulfillment and how only Jesus can satisfy. It is a verse I have heard my whole life, but the way I read it was different than I've read before. It is matt11:28-30 and says " come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest FOR YOUR SOULS. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I love that picture. It is more than just earthly rest, it is rest for our deepest being. And with that eternal rest that comes through Christ, how could we NOT find rest in Him on this earth. I found that part of the verse striking. How awesome that we can approach him in confidence. I recently listened to a sermon by cole Huffman from first Evan, and he was talking about living our lives before him and in obedience...and how in the old testament the covenants were of the concept that if the people obeyed they were blessed...but how in this side of the cross we obey BECAUSE of blessings...we have been blessed through the death of Christ which spurs us to obedience. It isn't that it's reversed but it is a different dynamic/perception of the covenant since his death and resurrection. You should buy this book if you have time to read! It is so good. Happy Friday and weekend! Seeing Eric church tomorrow at the Bridgestone...definitely in Nashville and appreciating country music.

250 something days...

so...

call me addicted to running...or crazy...or determined... but i signed up for the marathon in memphis this december...250 something days away! i will hopefully have more than enough time for training! anyone want to join me in this venture?! have a schedule printed and everything... READY TO RUN. happy tuesday! school is almost done for me for the semester!!!! one final stands between me & a break. :)

half marathon #11, tradition

finish line pics!

my cousin, her hubby, and i

the half marathon weekends are becoming tradition with my family...this was my 6th year to be in nashville for their half/marathon race. my rents and i have gotten to the point where we have done them enough that we book a hotel room well in advance as well as eat at j alexanders the night before the race (or amerigo's) and i walk to the starting line the next morning like a zombie. this year we stayed right near centennial park which worked out well. this year SOOOO many people ran, and a lot that i knew! a few of my good friends and my cousin and her husband ran. it was such a fun race- hot and hilly- but great! michael & btodd came to cheer jessica and me on! today i am letting my body recover,and working on the last assignments for school, a 10 pg paper and then studying for a final :(. so glad this semester is almost over! this week will be busy at work as usual...and this weekend i'll be going to the eric church concert at bridgestone- YAY! one other tradition that my parents ask me after i am finished with the last half marathon (aka yesterday) is when i am signing up for the next one? hha, ironically, i have already signed up for next year's nashville race. such a fun weekend!

meditating on God's Word

so the past couple of days have been trying times as far as school and just daily life are concerned...but they have also been days of growing and growing only by God's grace...and I can't explain how His Word is so endearing with all of the little promises and big promises I have been coming across that give me reassurance of the importance of spending time with Him and ABIDING (the word I love) in the Word. And when i think of abiding, i think of not only staying close to something but where you can't live without it...like it is something you need to go on. and it also makes me think of movement...abiding sounds ilke that point of rest and staying close but not becoming stagnant. the past couple of nights, i have been reading psalm 119 and isaiah 40...i wanted to share with you different verses that have stuck out to me, that i've underlined and circled things in my study Bible to help me better understand what meditating on God's Word and Abiding really mean and what they should mean to me.
verse one says blessed are they whose ways are BLAMELESS, and right after that statement it says, who WALK according to the law of the Lord...next to that verse i wrote, GOD how do i keep my ways blameless?...by walking according to the law of the Lord. how do i keep your statutes? verse two says blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. considering that last part- and SEEK HIM with ALL their heart. really, Lord, do i seek you with all of my heart? how can i do this? and verse 9- how can a young man keep his way pure? by LIVING according to your word. how can i not sin against you---verse 11- by HIDING your word in my heart. verse 14- i rejoice in following your statues as one rejoices in great riches- do i really rejoice in following his statues as i rejoice in great riches? verse 20 is convicting & it says, my soul is consumed with longing for your laws AT ALL TIMES. when the psalmist's soul was weary with sorrow, verse 28, he asked to be strengthened according to God's word...i LOVE verse 32...maybe bc i love to run, but it says, i RUN In the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free! he could have said i walk in the path of your commands, but that great freedom his heart experiences, he runs! do i find delight in his commands? verse 35 says direct me in the path of your commands, for there i find delight. and verse 97- oh how i love your law! i meditate on it ALL DAY LONG. v 99- i have more insight than all my teachers (why---) for i meditate on your statues. v 100 i have more understanding than the elders (how---) for i obey your precepts. i have kept my feet from every evil path SO THAT i may obey your word! i love verse 130 which is a cool picture- the unfolding of your words gives LIGHT it gives understanding to the simple...133 direct my foodsteps ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD; let no sin rule over me. i also love v 152- long ago i learned from your statutes that you established them to last forever. and i love the last 2 verses- let me live that i may praise you and may your laws sustain me. i have strayed like a lost sheep, seek your servant for i have not forgotten your commands.
i also learned from my study Bible that the words at the beginning of each "paragraph" mean something...they explain what he is petitioning for or if he is praising or asking for grace to grow in the statutes etc. and lastly isaiah 40 paints an AWESOME picture of who God is--his mightiness and greatness! speak tenderly to jerusalem and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed that her SIN has been PAID FOR that she has received from the Lord's hand DOUBLE for all her sins...who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? who has held the dust of the earth in a BASKET or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? who has understood the mind of the Lord or instructed him as counselor? surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket...to whom then will you compare God? what image will you compare him to?..lift your eyes and look to the heavens; who created all of these? HE who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name...because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.
God, you are mighty!! give me grace to long for your Word and meditate on it and rejoice in it as one rejoices in great riches.

so little time

so i am caught in a rut with life. i am getting in a bind with school---it is the end of the semester and i have so much to do! so MUCH to do with little time...i work well under pressure, though, so i am feeling okay.
the half marathon is in 19 days...which is crazy. my back is slowly beginning to heal. i have been going to phys therapy about twice a wk for a couple of weeks now. this past weekend i went home for easter, which was so good. our family friend get togethers get smaller and smaller with all of the "kids" growing up and moving to different places. my brother wasn't able to make it, and my family friends are in different places...so it was me, my rents, mr and mrs atkins, one of their daughters, their daughter in law, and grandbaby...who i love! she is the sweetest little girl and gives the cutest biggest hugs. i am partial because she is half korean :) i love asian babies! it is still fun to celebrate holidays with the atkins. we have been doing that since i have been in the united states which was 25 years ago! it became tradition and i am SURE will carry on when we have families and babies. i absolutely love holidays.
this week is crazy at work! lots to do, then phys therapy, and school work at night. that is my life for the next few weeks until this semester is over. this weekend my cousin is getting married in texas, which my fam is going to...i am going to atlanta AGAIN for the braves season opener friday! and then i'm sure i will be working on school stuff :(

hotlanta

so this past weekend was spent in hotlanta! AKA crazy traffic-filled city. 9 of us from my new office traveled to atlanta for the hinman dental conference, which included all people from all of the dental profession- dentists, hygienists, and assistants. people go to learn basically...we went to 3 different courses over the span of 2 days. we got there thursday night and went to dinner at an awesome mexican place called no mas. if you are in hotlanta i recommend it!
then friday, we went to 2 courses one was about biofilm and the other about successful dental hygiene teams. friday night we went to a sportsbar and watched the basketball games and hung out! then saturday we walked around the massive exhibit hall and got a bunch of free stuff and different samples...let me tell you, a dental hygienist's DREAM! then saturday afternoon we had a course and then headed back to nashvegas. i am adding a few pics i took from the weekend. it was SUCh a fun time to get to know the great people in my office. it is funny how everything just clicks in this office and we all get along so well :) i was so grateful for today, though, with being able to relax, do some laundry, catch up on some school stuff, and clean. sundays are probably my favorite day. now for a busy week! filled with patients, learning new things every day, school work, and starting physical therapy for my back/hip. and excited to go to memphis this coming weekend. and it is almost april! AHHHH!

The weekend!

So it's almost the weekend.... And I am so ready for it! This week has been dragging it seems. This weekend I am headed home to Memphis... Hard to believe I have not been to Memphis since my bday weekend. If you know me, that is crazy and unheard of. I was supposed to run a half marathon this weekend in Germantown but that may not happen bc of my knees and I have pulled and strained a muscle in my back :( really frustrating and sad. But I am so looking forward to my weekend in memphis. I also have some school stuff to catch up on and work ahead. It's hard not bein able to run... I have had to make myself rest which is difficult for me to do. I feel like every time I get an injury or something causes pain in my exercise it's the Lord saying just rest and relax... Im pretty sure of he doesn't intervene than I would not actually ever rest. So thankful for a new day and new mercies from the Lord. I am encouraged daily by His grace that I see either in patients or people I work with or something I read or talk with a friend about. He is good! Happy Thursday!

BOSTON!

no...not the band...wait, there is a band called boston, right?
two words: full marathon----april 2012 here in nashvegas...
and another few words: i want to QUALIFY for the boston marathon and run it! and my time for this coming race would have to be 3:30....ridiculous? i think i can do it, but i'm nervous! and it means i have to speed up my time and be ready in less than 8 weeks.
in other news...today is my "friday"...i get to sleep in tomorrow...sortof be lazy, try to work in a long run, and STUDY for a midterm that i'm doing sunday. BOO.
this is crazy, but i have not been home in over a month- which is big news for me.
also, i'll keep you posted but my knees/legs have not been doing so great lately on my runs...i've had to take 2 days of rest, which is really hard for me to handle. it is very frustrating and discouraging for me mentally :(
other sidenotes/news in life...the new job is going great- had some challenges, but the people i work with are amazing and so helpful. my patients have been great. i had a WONDERFUL patient this morning and he said that he'd be happy to be on my schedule every time. i met a patient yesterday who is a runner and we talked about marathons and half marathon training and he has run 16 full marathons!!!!
he has run the boston and one in new york and one in london. it's fun everything i am learning and the people i am meeting...and as challenging and overwhelming it can be sometimes, i remember it is my job and also that the people in my chair, i am helping their health and ultimately i hope and pray i am touching their lives and God is touching their hearts through our conversations.
i am blessed.

productive day is an understatement

so today was maybe not a proud day for me...in fact, i am embarrassed to even say what i have been doing.
now, prepare yourself to be bored out of your mind with my story i'm about to tell, but this has been my friday (Day Off). well the meteorologists and news channels around this area have been talking about tornados/possibility of strong storms/etc...and if you know anything about me, you know i am really scared of storms. like i will avoid going outside or planning anything if i know a storm is going to come. well today was one of those days, and since i live on the third flood in my apartment, i figured i needed to find a "safer" place close to my apartment in case bad weather struck. well the entire day, they have been saying it will come this afternoon/evening, but did not specify a time to look for the strong storms. so my instinct was to get safe quickly sometime in the afternoon. well i took extra precaution and came to the closest hotel to my apt's lobby...i am embarrassed to say i have been sitting in the lobby since 11 am...i am CRAZY! but really, among the hustle and bustle in the lobby with people coming in and out, i have been productive with schoolwork and now am being productive with blogging. i think everyone's conversations have led to talking about tornado watches/warnings what are we under a watch or warning, etc? so i have been productive in reading for school and writing discussion question answers and studying for my midterm...all which is due after next week. i have made friends, chatted with the bellhop, haha. it has actually been a really funny day....and guess what, no significant weather event has happened in my area yet other than some rain...and as of 30 minutes ago we just now were put under a tornado WARNING until 6 pm. so as i was gathering my things from my spot i have been sitting in since 11 am, i thought i would glance at the news channel one last time before heading out less than 2 miles to my apt, and guess what- that warning was issued. so here i am, parking it one last time on a bench in the lobby @ 5:41...waiting until 6 pm. i think the cherry on top of the whole day is that it has been such a productive and boring day that now i am sitting here blogging about my crazy fear of storms and what my friday has looked like because of it! embarrassed is an understatement word for how i feel right now :)

running on empty

so this week started a change in life- a new job. yesterday was my first day :) it was great, and definitely going to be an adjustment. but it was fabulous. the work environment there is unable to describe...other than loving and compassionate and hard-working. the environment is calm and homey. i'm excited about simply LEARNING. it is a whole different world from what i am used to and comfortable with, but i am excited about all aspects of this job and new place. it's so funny, because i feel like as Christians we say the Lord had us at places or in situations for a reason...and usually we say that AFTER the fact, because during the hard/difficult times in those places or situations we doubt and wonder why we are there. but i know without any doubt that the Lord definitely had me at my first job for a reason...and i realized that during my time there...and now with this dream opportunity, i know He has placed me HERE for a reason and probably more than one reason. i am looking forward to working here and getting to know my patients and get a feel for how everything operates. i have gotten to see some patients and clean their teeth which has been great. i have loved every minute! this saturday we are volunteering at a ministry in downtown nashville through the office's non-profit called hope smiles. of course i am super excited about this adventure! lately, i feel like the Lord has caught my attention with His Word. i was telling a patient actually yesterday that i felt helpless without the Word of God...and that it had been so powerful in my life lately that i felt i couldn't live without it...that i wanted to read it and not put it down. and if you had asked me about the importance of the Bible in my life a few months ago, i probably would have said that it wasn't a priority. but lately the Lord is showing me things and making me physically feel and mentally know that He is holding me and holding me close when i have so much around me tempting me to fall and break loose of His grip. yesterday at work i was checking some things at the computer, and on the radio in the office they place Christian music (a plus), and the song "waiting here for you" came on by christy nockels. love this song, especially running...but we sang it at kairos tuesday night and then i heard it in the silence at work, and somehow God has used that song powerfully in my life lately...and it is such a moving and encouraging song. look it up! i'm looking forward to my weekend starting TOMORROW and relaxing and volunteering.
loving spring weather!

a weekend of fun

first of all... needtobreathe at the ryman was amazing...and so was ben rector who opened for them. getting to hang w/bwill a new friend emily and a sweet friend charis was also so much fun! saturday was school stuff...and went bowling w/ksa. i am AWFUL at bowling...like so awful it is embarrassing. sunday i did more school stuff and did a fun run around downtown nashville and near the walking bridge. amazing views! so excited for this week...for change. change is always so challenging and most of the time hard to face and adjust...but i am excited. and so grateful for the Lord's provision in my life. daily.