Before you said something as we sat awkwardly at our table, I was curious about your story. We both had that "alone" look on our faces, being at a party where we didn't really know anyone expect for our spouses. I stuck my hand out to meet you. I slowly glanced down only to do a double take as I saw your pregnant tummy. My first thought was, "Lord, Why did you seat us at the same table?" As we awkwardly met, and your story came to light, I really wanted to share mine with you. You continued to chow down on the food, saying over and over that you never ate enough because everything you ate made you sick, and I thought about how in the past 4 months I have experienced that same pregnancy glow you had around you, the same sortof turn-off and sickness I had with certain foods, the questions that come with being pregnant and thoughts about what the future would be for mine and Kennedy's little growing family. Yet, I couldn't offer any dialogue about babies or tell you that I had recently lost our first baby. I just sat and listened and laughed when you made pregnancy jokes or comments. Your husband then came over and was able to chime in about your weird cravings, the fact that your belly was so big at 10 weeks and maybe you were carrying twins, and I joined in laughing. I sat, probably with surprise in my eyes, as you said you were going to your first sonogram appointment this week, hoping to hear the baby's heartbeat- and you were hoping it was only ONE heartbeat instead of two. Tears gathered in my eyes, as a flashback of our first sonogram appointment turned out so differently than what you were saying you anticipated. I was confused that I could relate so well with all of your feelings and emotions and our discussion, yet I didn't want to tell you about our first sonogram appointment. It's still painful for me to look back on. Throughout our conversation, I heard resonating in my mind over and over again, "The joy of the Lord is your strength"...I didn't think that months after our miscarriage, it would still be hard for me to be around babies, to talk about pregnancy- but GOD surrounded me that night I met you, dear friend, with a new hope. A hope that is reminding me of what this season is about. It is about God's plan and gift from before time: to send His Only Son in the form of an infant child born in a lowly manger who was to bear the weight of my sin and to redeem my broken heart, broken self, and pain. I pray that through the birth of your baby (babies- twins!), you would also see and experience this hope that has kept me going. This precious, perfect Life that came to this earth to save you and me. I pray that one day our stories will be very similar in that you, your husband, and your baby (ies) will know this perfect Life and be known by Him.
God has been our only hope. I've experienced this hope in a whole new light these past 4 months. Little did I know that God would allow me to experience this hope through the way that we have, but I am thankful even more this Christmas for Emmanuel- God with us. The conversation with the pregnant stranger was one of the first times I have had peace and joy in those kinds of moments. God is not finished in His working in my heart, and I am grateful for even those hard encounters where I am aware of His presence.
"She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save the people from their sins...The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel- God with us".
Matthew 1:22-23
