Tonight, I started thanking the Lord for some time to myself where I could sit at His feet, read His Word, and talk to Him. Not often enough do I take advantage of this alone, intimate time with Him. I spoke my fears and worries and He led me to a familiar Psalm- Psalm 46.
Psalm 46. An encouraging Psalm. A psalm about God being our refuge and strength, a "very present help in trouble". I gave Kennedy a hard time, because there were a few letters I sent him during the deployment that he had not opened. He said he wanted to keep them and read them for when he had a bad day upon returning from Afghanistan and taking command here at Ft. Riley. I kind of laughed at the thought and said in my mind that he would probably forget. It came to the point that I had to ask him to read one or two here and there out loud, because they were just sitting out on his nightstand.
As soon as we got home from our first ultrasound appointment with the heavy, sad news, I stumbled into our bedroom and drowned in tears. Kennedy was of great comfort, and turned to his nightstand opening one of the unopened letters that I had written him. It started off by saying of course that I missed him and couldn't wait for him to be back...but in this particular letter that he opened, I had written that on the day he opened it (in Afghanistan), I wanted him to take a moment (if not more) to "Be still and know that (I) am God"- Psalm 46:10. And then I had written out that Psalm for him, and myself, to be encouraged.
With tears in our eyes and the unknowns swirling around us of how to move forward through and from this grief, he continued to read this beautiful Psalm:
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved from the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling, There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our fortress...
'Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!'
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress".
I'm reading that Psalm again tonight, tears of joy streaming down. Knowing this brings the best and most sustainable and lasting comfort. God is a very present help in trouble and I am praising Him tonight for this truth and for leading me to these verses and memory. I want to remember in times of trouble, that the God of Jacob is my fortress. He is with me and will strengthen me.
