why am i here?

well once again i have been slacking on the blogging. mainly because school has started back and it is very time consuming, as is work and running. i am feeling compelled to blog and write in my journal tonight though because of the past few days at work. let me preface by saying i work in an amazing office. i would say the best office. i have caught myself thinking about how thankful i am to be surrounded by such an amazing group of coworkers and their hard work ethic, positive attitudes, and servant spirits...definitely qualities that challenge and push me daily. one of the core values and missions at the office is to strive for excellence and drive change and leadership and bring energy and positive attitudes and love well. but lately i have been focusing on the core value of striving for excellence- in all things. before every patient, i have caught myself taking a step back and thinking about that core value. do i truly strive for excellence every second of my day and with each patient? i have been raised in a home that by the grace of God has pushed me to strive for excellence, because God has blessed me with skills, health, and abilities to perform what i do at my job and has blessed me with a functional brain. God has blessed me beyond words. these things have been brought to my attention so much lately at work, and i KNOW in my heart they are because God wants me where He has me. He is teaching me to completely rely on Him in trying times...at work when the schedule is crazy or i have a difficult patient or i just feel like i "can't", He is teaching me to be in constant prayer and communication with Him. now you're wondering why the title of my post is "why am i here"? i can't tell you how many patients i have had in just the past 3 or 4 days of work that have either gone through adopting or are in the beginning stages or in the process. growing up, i did not talk about my adoption story with hardly ANYONE unless i was asked...unless it was brought up, and not by me. i never really was interested in the adoption process or my own story or sharing it with others. but lately, i see glimpses of where God is COMPLETELY opening my heart to this to where i am able to talk so freely about it and with humility and gratefulness of understanding His sovereignty and unconditional love and that He is in absolute control of my every moment. so i have been brought to tears the past 2 days twice with different patients when talking about adoption. i get chills up and down to think how great God is, how He has been holding my life in His hand, and how big He truly is. but enough focusing on my own story- i have been in constant thought about- God, why am i here? why have you brought these people into my life, opened this door to a perfect kingdom-minded job/office, and now i am having all of these emotional experiences of being able to share my adoption story- where i am EXCITED to talk about it and share? and i think- this HAS to be how the Lord is using me...and using these experiences to grow my relationship with Him. i can't express all of these emotions other than gratefulness and complete humility that i have been feeling...and simply because of God's love. so Lord, i am here for your purpose, for you to use me however you see fit, and to bring glory to your name. i pray that He will continue to use me and use my story and guide me in His direction for my life- my heart has grown so much for the adoption community. my heart feels so greatly for couples who are going through that process and it made me grieve deeply inside when i heard someone talking about it being a financial issue but that they just felt that God was in control and He would provide and they could only live and walk by faith even though it was so hard. my mind directly thought- how could i give them money?! how could we raise funds for this? i would love to help in that way! i don't know how the Lord is working in this...but i only pray that He would show me and would draw my heart to His in how to share my story and how He is using me and will use me in great ways. i also feel He is preparing my heart for my trip to korea with my mom here in a couple of weeks- and i am so excited. back to the books!