irony

this past weekend was a relaxing, family-filled time. i went to memphis thursday night and spent the weekend there..hanging out with the fam, michael w, and seeing friends last night. it seems like my blogging streak is about once a week now...oh well, i am trying to keep up but also enjoy my time off from school until june! i saw the avengers this past weekend...if you have not seen it, i highly recommend. SO good. robert downey jr is by far the best. oh, and thor...there are no words that describe thor. today, being mother's day, was chill. we usually just go out to eat for mother's/father's day. my dad had to work today after church so mom and i ended up going home and watching the grizz game. she is crazy about the grizzlies. she gets very into the games. i entitled this blog post "irony" because of the topic i am going to talk about. i have written about the book empty promises by pete wilson that my office is reading together. we talk about it on thursdays. well this thursday we talked about approval addiction...how our society is so wired for this. think about it- why do we tweet/post things on facebook/text/blog even? we want a reaction. we want people to "like" us. we want their stamp of approval or their response. why am i blogging right now? well, it is therapeutic and something i love, but i also get caught up in who reads this and do they actually care about what i am posting? same at work- why do i want people to like me- my patients/coworkers? why do i want my boss to think i do a good job? because to some extent or another i am addicted to people's approval. i have always seen myself as a people pleaser. it is hard for me to say no. it definitely upsets me when i think i have hurt someone's feelings or they are mad at me. i post things on facebook, because i want that immediate reaction. i tweet because i want a reaction. i text because i want that immediate response. in this bubble of a culture we are sucked into, we are all in some way addicted to this people approval notion. so what does our generation need to do about this problem- and yes i think of it as a problem. ultimately i think about what are we looking to to fill us? what are we looking to to satisfy our heart's longings? well i think first of all we have to recognize where we stumble in this...just the past few days, i have thought before texting/tweeting/facebook...i have thought before i do any of that, "why am i doing this"? i am AWARE of my faults and stumbling. so after awareness, i think we have to be intentional, just like with anything else we desire to change or do differently. even in relationships, we have to be conscious and considerate of the other person. it takes time. we have to be intentional about spending time with people these days. in my case, i have to look at my planner and my schedule and think about ok when can i be "intentional" with this person to go and hang out when we usually do not have the time to? our schedules are so filled. our phones keep us constantly connected with the outside world...email, facebook, twitter, texting, phone calls, music, videos, ETC!!! it is overwhelming! so the past few days although it has been a struggle, i have tried to be INTENTIONAL about putting my phone down and somewhat "disconnecting". i have been testing within myself if this is even possible! can i put my phone down when i am in a group of people and we are hanging out and not look at it for a few hours? am i really that approval addicted or addicted to being connected? it sickens me to think how much time i spend "connected" to the world and my selfish addictions and the time i could be spending with the Lord. convicting right? so i went to get ice cream with a friend friday and i put my phone in my car and put it on silent...trying so hard not to check it for 1 hour. success! in the group hang out last night for a friend's going away party, i put my phone in my purse...trying hard not to check. success! what was going on in my mind though- who texted me back? i can check it when i get in the car! i hope someone texted me! or called me! or posted on my facebook! i hope i hope! i am addicted. so this week my challenge for myself is disconnect (in moderation). i am not going to go all amish. but i am going to slow down this craving for "approval" or connection with people via my phone...and instead be intentional about relationships and spending time with people and being intentional about putting my phone away when i am with people. now when i am around people and now that i am AWARE of this, i can see how it is rude. it comes across as i am more interested in someone/something else than the time i am spending with you or other people. so this is ironic, because i am posting a blog post hoping people will read this...:) happy mother's day & new week!