summer is HERE

it is ridiculously hot outside. i am not a hot weather person. but hot weather also means summer...which means somewhat of "breaks"/vacation/relaxation/traveling, whatever word you associate with summer the most. for me this summer, the word i am associating with is TRAVEL. which i really am not going to be doing THAT much traveling, but my mom and i are planning to go to korea the end of june thru beginning of july! i can't begin to express how excited i am about going to south korea (where i was born) and while i am there- hopefully being able to visit the adoption agency office which i was adopted through and possibly meeting my foster mother/seeing my foster home. i have been in touch with the adoption agency office here in the united states, and the lady that has been helping me sent an insanely long email about my "file" and a little bit about my history and the history of adoption and family processes in south korea. i have been so excited that each time i email her back, i have more and more questions. but thinking about this trip is also emotional. the other night when i read the email from the lady, i cried...and cried. and not in a sad way, but in thinking about i will never see my birthmom/meet her or even get to know what she looks like. and i hope and pray she knows Jesus so i can meet her in heaven. i want to know so badly what she looks like. i have no desire for a relationship with her, not for any reason, other than the language barrier and how EXTREMELY hard that would be. but that tangible information of- what she looks like, her name, how many brothers/sisters she has, if she is married now/has a family, if i have blood-related siblings, who my father was, etc..- that information i will never have. and i just broke down and cried the other night thinking about all of that. as excited as i am about this trip, i know it will also be emotional and hard at times. but i am so grateful my mom is going with me, and she is such a good planner and trip planner. she would make a great travel agent. it also makes me thankful for where i am, and how the Lord's hand has been on my life since i was conceived. so planning and thinking about this trip has been wonderful and emotional all at the same time! i am excited too to get to see rachel & paul and see their lives in korea! grateful for a day of rest today & a long weekend...3 days of work! happy monday & bachelorette watching!