Expectations

As I do with most posts, I'm going to start off by saying that this one may not make sense. I'm writing off of a fuzzy brain, compounded with discouragement. I have to admit that my expectations of God can sometimes be small. I get impatient and doubt His power in situations that I think I can take control of. God is showing me that He is more powerful than I can imagine and He is reshaping my expectations of Him. When all of the miscarriage stuff was happening, I of course prayed, cried out loud to God...but small parts of my heart were in constant struggle of not praying confidently. There were parts of me that were holding back in prayer, doubting that He could really redeem this and give me reasons to hope and have joy. My expectations were small.
God shows us over and over again in His Word that He is more powerful than we can imagine or grasp. Why do I doubt this?
Today I went in for my HcG level check. Since the miscarriage, the doctor has been monitoring the levels as they have decreased, but it has been a really slow and long process of the numbers coming down. Nearing the end, the doctor recommended I come back every two weeks instead of every week. In the past month, the decrease has been really slight. Like every two weeks it has gone down 10 or 15. I was hoping or EXPECTING my levels to be at normal range (10 or below)...but I was given disappointing news of "19.2" when I answered my phone while at Hobby Lobby- almost in tears in the paper craft aisle. I know God is reshaping my expectations of Him. In the discouragement, I want to still be thankful. Before these past few months, my confidence in hope and my expectations of God were something that changed with whatever my circumstances were. And now, He is all that I can hold on to and has remained the same: faithful, and this has strengthened my confidence and hope and expectations. Even though the HcG levels haven't gone down as I've expected them to, they've still gone down, which is a praise. Even though "fill in the blank with whatever life's hard circumstances have been", something good has come out of them, which may not have looked like our expectations but they were good in the sense that God, out of His love for us, revealed more of Himself to us.
I did a search on "expectations of God" and came across a really good article, that as I was reading, I was nodding my head and thinking to myself, "This is exactly how I feel" and the author nailed it. Jon Bloom says, "Highest on God's agenda for us is strengthening our faith. Highest on our agenda is frequently accomplishing something necessary or noble, or escaping affliction or humiliation. These may not be wrong desires, but they may be the wrong priorities...The strength that God supplies is often increased capacities to trust his promises, which might require dying to our envisioned accomplishment or enduring what we wish to escape...God loves to answer our prayers with the strength that causes us to abound in faith-fueled hope."
I love this part: "So pray with confidence. And pray for the strength that God supplies. And keep your eyes open for his answers. They may not look like your expectations. But you can be sure that even when he answers with a weakening agent, God is working to strengthen your understanding, strengthen your faith, and strengthen your hope in him." God, I am choosing to believe this about you!