finding joy

if you know me well, you know i am stubborn. the Lord has to pull teeth and bring me to my end to grab my attention. right now, i'd rather be digging myself in a hole and have the mentality of not wanting to come out and face what is in front of me. i feel like even though it is through painful things, God is always longing for me to come to Him and trust Him. even though i fight so hard not to. even though i want things my way, He is so faithful and loving to be so patient in my stubbornness and selfishness. more than running to Christ, i think we try to fill our lives with things to get away from the hard things or we try and run away from Him...and my prayer is for the Lord to continue drawing me closer and filling me with a spirit of following Him and trusting Him. this blog was really started for me to journal my running and how that ties in with living life...tonight i feel like my heart is torn and i need to acknowledge and write about my need for the Lord to fill me. i am finding that being obedient to God and truly trusting Him is so hard and something i am not inclined to nor do i really want to be obedient sometimes. Lord i pray you take all the brokenness and fragmented pieces of my heart and draw me in to wanting more of you. that is what i long for right now.
"Lord all my desire is before you, and my sighing is not hidden from you. my heart pants, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me...in you o Lord i hope; you will hear, O Lord my God...do not forsake me o Lord o my God be not far from me! make haste to help me o Lord my salvation". ps 38
"i waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. he also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps, he has put a new song in my mouth- praise to our God! many will see it and fear; and will trust in the Lord..." ps 40
"the Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit" ps 34:18