trust

trust is a heavy word for me to swallow tonight as i'm laying in my bed about to go to sleep. i haven't been inspired to blog lately in this season of life i am in. the past few weeks have been challenging to my faith, difficult, yet much needed (trying to have a positive perspective). what does trust mean? i googled the definition because i'm too lazy to go grab the dictionary...this is what it says "Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something." right now in my life, i am finding it hard to put my trust in the Lord's working and what He is doing in my life and the season i am in. i am finding it hard to have FIRM, unwavering belief in HIM, in His strength, in His truth, in His ability, in His reliability. my personality is to control and plan and do, and when those things are shattered and do not happen, the loss throws my life for a loop. it shakes my faith. i believe lies and drown myself in continually trying to gain the control back. when instead, the Lord is telling me to be still- to just "be" in His presence. to trust Him. to pursue Him. to follow Him and not look back. a blog that my friend told me to read was just what i needed to read and be reminded of: agirlikeme.com. let me take from some of her blog and i hope you find this as encouraging as i did. i know i have strongholds in my life that i can't trust the Lord with. there are things i am "waiting" on and having to be patient about. there are things i don't understand. but i find comfort from this blog & from her experiences  in trusting the Lord.
"I know that there are some of you who feel like God has forgotten you. Some of you feel so alone and wonder if you’ll ever find true friendship. I know some of you feel like you may never find that spouse and God has chosen to leave you single forever. Some of you long to find freedom from a stronghold, and can’t understand why God won’t simply just set you free. You have cried out to God in your pain and sorrow, only to feel like you have been met with complete silence. It’s like the story of Daniel. Daniel had been fasting and praying and asking God to help save his people. Three weeks passed and there was nothing. No word or sign that God had heard Daniels prayer. He was beginning to grow tired and week, and almost at the end of his rope. It was at the end of those three weeks that an angel came to Daniel and told him that he was sent by the Lord to fulfill Daniels prayer. In verse 12 of chapter 10 the angel says, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words.” And then in verse 13 he continues with a “ But….” You see, God had not forgotten Daniels prayer nor did he not desire to answer it. God had to work out some of the “buts” before Daniels prayer could be answered.
As hard as it is to accept, the Lord does not work on our time table. He is outside of time and space, weaving together our story from start to finish. He has no need to rush because he knows how it will all work out in the end. But because we cannot see nor understand his total sovereignty, we have to have faith that he knows what he is doing. Look at Isaiah 49:14-16a “But Zion said,“The Lord has forsaken me, and my Lord has forgotten me.” “Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.”" Beloved girl, if we are in Christ, we are not forgotten, we are embedded into our heavenly father’s heart and etched upon his hands. And because we are so precious to him, he wants to make sure that we don’t just have what’s best right now, he wants us to have HIS best. Author John Ortberg puts it like this: “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.” Precious friend, there is joy to be found in your season of wait. Know that God does hear you. He is diligently knitting together the fabric of your story, making it perfect. He has not forgotten you, he is just beckoning you to come close so that he may show you all that he would have for you. Put your hope in his love and sovereignty, and when you do, you will find true joy in the wait."

i LOVE her reference to daniel's story- that the angel appears and says "Daniel don't fear, from the FIRST DAY that you set your heart to understand and to humble yourself before God, your words were HEARD...and i have come because of your words." i pray tonight that the Lord would help me set my heart to understand and help me humble myself and my pride...KNOWING and believing my words are heard. and He has not forgotten about me. and that the waiting and not knowing and trusting are a part of HIS best...He wants to make sure we don't just have "what's best right now". grateful for these words tonight. Lord, deepen my trust. give me strength to surrender my wants and desires to you and give them to you with open hands and an open heart.