Seek the Kingdom of God above all else.

I just opened Kennedy's Bible and read those words on a sermon he took notes on from 2013 about God's Will. God's Will. Something that I really have to set my mind to in desiring or comprehending. In all honesty, there are many parts of my personality that I like to "blame" when it comes to making up excuses for not seeking God's Will first and foremost. Many of those parts of my personality include: stubbornness, pride, distrust, wanting to be in control, impatience, lack of actual time that is "quiet" (aka easily distracted). The list continues. Although God's Will passes through my mind in making important decisions or in what to do with my life or in dealing with changes, is it really what I seek above all else? The point of this ramble is to say that I want to desire His Will first above anything else...may it be my highest consideration in all things- throughout the day. And even moreso in this season of unknown and what I'm doing with my life at the present.
Another thing that has come up more recently and that I am going to be honest about about is kindof summed up in these verses: "My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God" Ps 84:2. I have been searching my heart and response to God's Word lately and I have found myself pondering the Truth, why and how I believe Jesus is true, and I can look back on circumstances where I have doubted God's sovereignty and where my response to Him in my confidence of the Truth has been shaken. Shaken confidence feels lonely and at times like I've been stripped down to being completely honest in my faith and simply allowing God to work. Right now in my faith...my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. I pray for the childlike faith that simply trusts and believes in my Savior, in who He says He is, and following Him wholeheartedly. So this being stripped of questioning and trying to understand has allowed me to rest...and rest in Jesus alone and not what I am "doing" for Him or trying to "solve" my faith. I am not sure if this makes any sense...but further in these verses it says: "Blessed are those whose strength is in you".
I also love these verses: "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an UNDIVIDED heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you O Lord my God with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love towards me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave" (Psalm 86).
Amidst confusion that comes with this life and in my faith, it is humbling for me to think back on my past from the beginning until now, and see and know God's faithful hand and His leading me. This comforts me when my heart is afflicted. Today, I have been watching a million family movies. Not a million, but close to that number. I started watching one Christmas from 1989 (2 years old) and my Granny Carlisle was there- we were at my Grandaddy and Granny Owen's that year. As I was opening a present, my Granny Carlisle said "God bless that baby". It brought tears to my eyes to be reminded that God ordained all the days of my life BEFORE they happened. His sovereign hand placed me in a Godly, loving, Christ-centered, gracious family and He has brought me where I am now...not to say that those in between years didn't come with kicking and screaming wanting my way when He was leading in another. But that is His love. He never lets us go. He never closes Himself off from us. And ultimately, my faith rests upon what He has already done and accomplished. How encouraging is that in sharing about with others.