and the chapter continues

i feel like my titles to my blog are more dramatic than my actual posts. haha. today i am going to another job interview here in memphis. not exactly where i want to be, but it is an interview and i am not nervous at all. i realize every time i write the date that days go by so fast, and this summer is halfway over almost!

one thing i don't like about my schedule right now is that it is nonexistent. i'm not very content with my situation---that i am still looking for a job, still waiting for my dental hygienist license number, and living at my house has its advantages and disadvantages. i had a breakdown yesterday because i don't know if i am "ready" to be on my own and be independent. it's so scary, and for the longest time growing up i felt like i would always be "ready". i would be that person that could move away from home really quickly and be independent. but lately, i have felt more scared than ever. obviously, we all love our comfort zones, but i am beginning to love my comfort zone more and more when i think about moving away. ideally, i would love to be in nashville.

(a picture of michael and me in nashville last summer).

over the years, i have grown to love this city. i think the reason our age people like it so much is because it seems like it is "thriving". like there is so much to do there as opposed to memphis. one of my mom's friends said she knows a person my age or a little older that just moved there and in the church she goes to, the young singles/professionals sunday school class has over 1500 people. DANG. there's so much to see and do at this age- why not go and do? my mom asked me yesterday what my goals were for the next few years...which when i think of goals right now, i think of very short-term. like i want a job is my number one goal right now...but as i was thinking about it, usually if you don't have goals or make them, you usually don't finish them. so i've decided to really consider it and list them (in no particular order). they seem so superficial...but here they are:

- a good job in an office i like with people i like and patients i like!

- a family- i want to be married and have babies...

- involvement in a sunday school and growing church community

- travel to south korea

- train for another 1/2 marathon

- go to grad school and get my masters

- be more organized and clean

- cook more and become more domestic

- pick up a new hobby :)

i think that's it for now! ambitious, right? life is so sweet- and when i think of verses in the Bible that describe our lives as fleeting, i think of making the most of our days with what we are given on that day. (psalm 39:4)

when life throws you curves

so the past few days have been spent traveling with mom to virginia beach, va in order to study and retake my SRTA electronic exam. the beach is not as grand as it used to be for me...maybe because i'm not as concerned anymore about getting tan, the sand is still fun to "play" in but i had noone to play in it with, and more than 3/4 of the people in virginia beach had many tattooes all over their bikini bodies and it made me feel very out of place to say the least---as i sat in my lounge chair with my vera bradley patterned bathing suit- haha!
BUT, the beach still amazes me because when you're sitting there in the morning and at night just looking out at the ocean, all you can really think about is WOW, God made this, and how little you feel when you see yourself in perspective to everything He has created.
today we drove to the SRTA office (which was in a daycare looking facility- there was a playground right next door fenced in) and i retook the electronic exam. as nervous as i was, i was also humored by the fact that the facility was run by 2 girls about my age and ethnicity. so i sat down to take the exam over a 60 minute time frame and was out of there! mom and i went to the airport and made it to atlanta...but now we are stuck in a hotel here. and when life throws you curves such as this, all you can do is take it in...which means we ordered in pizza and a salad and 2 diet cokes. my bag was checked all the way to memphis so i have no clothes or anything---so i'll sleep in my mom's shirt and use the hotel amenity guest package full of toiletries. so when life throws you curves, you have to go with the flow...and we certainly are doing that. which is actually kindof fun, now that all of my stress is relieved after passing the exam. i was so anxious about finding out my results, especially since we travelled all the way here for me to take it!! well peace out from a-town. and hopefully on to memphis in the morning!!
ps- in airports you see the most interesting people no doubt.

just keep swimming

today my mind randomly jumped to the movie finding nemo...i think because lately i've felt like a fish swimming against a strong current and i can hear the fish saying "just keep swimming!" over and over again. as silly as that sounds, it is how i've felt...like i'm swimming against a current that i have no control over. but i was listening to a song the other day by chris tomlin, and i can only help but think about the words- "and if our God is for us, then who can ever stop us, and if our God is with us, then what can stand against? our God is greater, our God is stronger, our God is higher than any other, our God is healer, awesome in power, our God, our God". this is a really powerful song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_t_87NyHx0&feature=related

awesome lyric nuggets!!

so last night at ruf, we sang this song (i'll post the lyrics below)...when i've been listening to music lately in my car, i've been paying attention to lyrics more. it's actually a neat thing and something i don't do often enough, especially on sunday mornings! i kindof tend to go through the motions and sing whatever song is projected onto the screen in contemporary service. well, you are all probably familiar with these lyrics, but meditate and really consider what the author is saying...and how many times have you felt this way?!
"Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom fly
while the nearer waters roll,
while the tempest still is high.
hide me, o my Savior, hide,
till life's storm is past;
safe into the haven guide; receive my soul at last.

other refuge have i none, i HELPLESS, hang on THEE;
leave, oh leave me not alone,
support and comfort me.
all my trust on Thee is stayed,
all help from Thee i bring;
cover my defenseless head
in the shadow of Thy wing.

Thou, o Christ, are all i want,
here more than i find;
raise the fallen, cheer the faint,
heal the sick, and lead the blind.
just and holy is Thy name,
i am all unrighteousness;
false and full of sin i am;
thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with Thee is found,
grace to cover ALL my sin;
let the healing streams abound;
make and keep me pure within.
thou of life the fountain art,
let me take of Thee;
spring Thou up within my heart; for all eternity."

so really thinking about these words---i am convicted that my prayer to God is not usually "thou, O Christ, are all i want..." i mean, do i really want Him?! do i really desire Him? is my only refuge Him? is ALL of my trust stayed on Him? lately, i have been pretty discouraged and am having to study yet again for an exam i didn't pass the first time. it is taking everything in me to look positively and face the fact that i have to study and not take it lightly...but i also think how alone i feel in my situation and how i do need to trust God...and i want my prayer to become DAILY- thou o Christ are all i want...and be able to say that my desire is to have all of my trust in Him.
and i really like this verse...i probably see it in its out of context form (if that exists, which i'm sure it does), but i turn to this often. hebrews 4:15-16
"for we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. let us then approach the throne of grace with CONFIDENCE, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need". i get the notion it is talking about sin in this verse, and obviously about overcoming temptation...BUT i also just like the phrase that we do not HAVE a high priest who is unable to sympathize with us. i think of God as being some lifeform sometimes who is so perfect in every way that He can't even relate to me or my situations i'm going through. but how silly! because obviously throughout the Bible and throughout my life circumstances, He shows His abounding love and faithfulness.
cool.

"i can't wait"...

Michael and I after graduation! Me my brother and my cousin's 5 year old went to a park :)

after graduation! at the fedex forum...with brittan :) cutest 5 year old

walking across the stage...

the family :) so grateful!

cutest cake ever!

so i feel like when i've talked about school and life in general, i tend to start my sentences off as, "i can't wait until...". in my case, you could pretty much fill in the blank with anything. when i talk to people about school, i say, "i can't wait to graduate!" which i have done as of may 28th. or "i can't wait for srta to be over!" which is the exam i have TOMORROW morning! or when i'm talking about phases of life in general- "i can't wait to have a job and be in the real world!" or "i can't wait to be married!" or "i can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me!"or "i can't wait to have kids!" etc. you probably get the point by now. well you know the ironic part about this? now that some of these things have happened- i've graduated, i''ve completed 2 years of dental hygiene school, i've passed my national boards, i'm on my own now financially, i have a new vehicle, i am starting to get serious job interviews, there is a lightbulb that goes off that says, "wow! i really COULD wait longer now..." because honestly, it is scary to me to be in a position i am in now. it is also exciting, though, and i wouldn't take back any experience i have had for anything else. i feel like without those experiences and issues, i wouldn't be where i am today...and i definitely wouldn't have learned very much without those tough roads that spontaneously occurred the past 2 years in dental hygiene school. but looking back has also caused me to open my eyes and be grateful for each day and for every little millisecond. especially with thinking about the future and where i will be, it is comforting and reassuring to see how the Lord's faithfulness is neverending and unchanging. i couldn't do any of the things i've accomplished without Him!! and oh how changing and faithless i am so much!! so this post is sortof a reprioritizing of the "i can't waits!" it is more like: Lord, I CAN WAIT. and Lord, I will wait on your timing. I will wait for your guidance. Lord, help me to be patient and content...

John 1:14 "The only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth."—

"I want none beside Him. In life He is my life, and in death He shall be the death of death; in poverty Christ is my riches; in sickness He makes my bed; in darkness He is my star, and in brightness He is my sun; He is the manna of the camp in the wilderness, and He shall be the new corn of the host when they come to Canaan. Jesus is to me all grace and no wrath, all truth and no falsehood: and of truth and grace He is full, infinitely full."- a quote by Spurgeon

Well as I sit in our hotel room in the great city of Nashville, all my thoughts are consumed with this job interview I have in a few minutes. It is at a pediatric dental office and I am pretty nervous! I usually try to read the morning and evening devotions and tonight's devotion has this quote (above) included in it. I love this! I love how it contrasts the sin/darkness/pain of life with the gloriousness of Himself. What an incentive to rely on Him...not just in death or darkness, but in life. even in brightness- He is my SUN. How I need Him and desire to lean on Him and address my concerns to Him daily.

a new chapter...

so today is my last final exam of my college career...which i would like to think constitutes a new chapter of my life. not only am i done with finals, i am finishing up college, and hopefully moving on to a job and the "real" world. the first things that come to my mind in this chapter are budgeting and the excitement of "new" things.
my whole life, i have not been one for adventure. in fact, my family used to tease me all of the time because i would only eat the same things. i never wanted to go out of my comfort zone. i didn't realize that that concept would leak into every part of my being. even going off to college, i never wanted to face that change of environment or lifestyle. it's not that i dislike adventure...i do like excitement and new things, but i guess it is that initial feeling of change and having to adapt to something different.
things i am looking forward to that are "new" will be: location, career, being on my own, paying for things on my own, paying bills, etc. more people my age have already gone and are going through this now...scary!
i guess today would be considered the close of a chapter...and the "almost" turning of a page into a new chapter. :)