community

what is my community? this is what i'm thinking about tonight. what does it consist of? it consists of work, people i meet at work (patients), people in the community in which i live, friends, family, church family, and reaching out outside of my comfort zone. i also see my community as a place where i see God in the midst of trying times. i see it as everyone bringing in and acknowledging brokenness and encouraging one another and pointing one another to the author and perfector of our faith, Jesus Christ. i pondered those things today sitting in our lunch book study at our office.
last night, my Bible study had the opportunity and privilege of seeing what the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home is about. we were planning on doing the prayer walking tour, but instead ended up getting a tour by one of the house parents and then just seeing her cottage and meeting her husband and two small children. we asked question after question about this ministry, just trying to learn more about the situation there. what baffled me the whole time is how close in proximity this place is to my work, church, and where i live. i mean, i drive by it every morning, not even knowing it has been there! what it consists of is 8-9 cottages with "house parents" who take in students and children that they are "assigned" that they basically care for and love on. there is so much more than that that takes place on campus, but that is it in a nutshell. what an eye opening thing, though, to see this ministry at work literally in my backyard. it blew me away that one of the set of "house parents" has been there 27 years. amazing.
so my prayer is for the Lord to keep my eyes and heart open to my "community"- my family, friends, coworkers, and the world around me.

thankful day 5?

so, i missed a couple of days last week...i guess weekends are not included in my thankful days. i just finished some schoolwork and am headed to the gym. today and all weekend i am thankful for the people around me who encourage me and walk through life with me. God has truly blessed me with amazing parents, brother, friends, extended family, and last but not least, co-workers. I have realized the day to day can be a struggle...but the amazing staff i have to walk through the day to day keeps me encouraged and lifts my spirits! i am thankful for my parents who are more than supportive of everything and have taught me so much about life. i am thankful for friends that i can call (kiersten, i have to mention your name) while i'm walking and i can tell her all of the ways i have been encouraged after she asks me how my week was after being back from korea. i am just as encouraged by her life and what God is doing...i am thankful for church friends, Bible study friends that help me write notecards to every single child on the "Sponsor a Child" site at the Isaac Home in Seoul...God has grown my heart to have a desire to love on those children in hard ways since i am miles away, but He has blessed me with the hearts of 3 other people who are coming alongside me to bless those children. The excitement my friends have for the isaac home leaves me speechless. i am thankful for friends that pray over me and with me and for me through the struggles. i am thankful for friends i can confide in and who are just living life with me in pursuit of something greater. thankful thankful thankful!
continuing to pray for ways for fund-raising for the isaac home...how to raise awareness. i am trying to spread the word any way that i can and ideas are always welcome. happy monday!

thankful day 4

today I'm thankful for a few things but 2 in particular in my mind. hope and the sovereignty of God. hope because I am fallen and he's given me hope in eternal life by his grace! sovereignty because I know he has every detail in my life in his hand and has been faithful in leading me. Lord help me trust.
today and the past few days I have been thinking about a verse that was shared on a blog talking about faith as big as a mustard seed yet even that small we can have faith enough to say to a mountain "move" and have faith God can do it. my faith has been tried and tested lately and as small as or smaller than a mustard seed, yet he can still use me and He continues to work in my sinful heart through His Spirit. I am praying for wisdom & guidance on how to raise funds and awareness for the Isaac home in south Korea. my heart has become attached to the hearts of those precious children!!!

thankful day 3

today I'm thankful for the Word of God. not only in guiding terms where He leads us through "words" but His Word in Scripture. I have read so many people's faith stories and how important the Living Word is in our spiritual growth. it is renewing and reviving and refreshing to my heart and soul. as distracted as I am from reading His Word, I am reminded when I do how much I need it...daily! Your word have I laid up in my heart, that I might not sin against You. Psalm 119: 11 Every word of God is tried and purified; He is a shield to those who trust and take refuge in Him. Proverbs 30: 5 For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart. Hebrews 4: 12 Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of Your law. Psalm 119: 18 I will meditate on Your precepts and have respect to Your ways [the paths of life marked out by Your law]. Psalm 119: 15 Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by His inspiration) and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, [and] for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God's will in thought, purpose, and action). 2 Timothy 3: 16 But what does it say? The Word (God's message in Christ) is near you, on your lips and in your heart; that is, the Word of faith which we preach. Romans 10: 8 Sky and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away. Matthew 24: 35 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119: 105

thankful day 2

today I'm thankful for prayer. I am thankful for being able to talk with the Lord and give him my day and I am reminded the past coupe of days the importance of staying my mind on him throughout the day every second and moment I need to talk to him about and trust him with. to me, this doesn't come easily. my mind is consumed by the checklists and what I have to do...so it takes me intentionally making the prayers come out. speaking of intentionality...this is something I realized is an act of love and kindness and adds meaning and joy to your day. today i noticed how dr kemp asked us how we were doing, how our days were going, and if we were happy today...I think everyone including myself had to process what he asked. it almost stopped my brain from working because I am not asked that often! when patients ask me how I'm doing it makes me stop what im doing! but what a difference that makes in my day and can make in anyone's day if we stop and take 2 seconds to ask those questions! it brings joy and depth. so does continual prayer!

thankful day 1

today I'm thankful for life and new mercies. I'm thankful for Gods grace that covers me in spite of what and who I am. no matter my condition He is FULL of grace and new mercies and life. yesterday mikes preaching was on do we more than just memorize the truth- do we really know it and how really knowing could change our lives. even though I am sinful and selfish do I truly know Jesus accepts me and really died for me? I think I memorize and think I "know" sometimes, but I think if I did, my life on a daily basis would look different. thank you Lord for your new mercies... I long for your Spirit to change me and I long to see people's lives changed through that! loving the lyrics to this song by Aaron shust: my hope is in you Lord all the day long I wont be shaken by drought or storm the peace that passes understanding is my song. and another song by fee: glory to God forever...take my life and let it be all for you and for YOUR glory take my life and let it be yours.  each day this week I am posting something I am grateful for. so much I take for granted!

i am missing those faces already. jet lag has gotten the best of me the past couple of days. i find myself in a struggle between gratefulness and sadness and unsurety in how to "help" those babies and the holt agency and orphanos with the resources i have been given, and how to help when i am so many miles away. praying how the Lord can use me. i see so much of my story in those babies' faces. i can't count how many times i have looked at those pictures and thought about how my life could have turned out, but those thoughts turn to what to do next in serving Christ and loving His people- people not just in korea but people i encounter daily. how many opportunities do we pass up and miss daily to love someone because we are too consumed with our own lives. last night i started writing the letter to my birthmom and attaching pictures--all to send to holt to have them put in my file...and i started to cry while writing it...1)i felt as though i was introducing myself to a stranger and 2)all i wanted to say over and over again was "thank you"...and this overwhelming sense of gratefulness has come over me, and i told her in the letter how i just wanted to hug her and thank her for choosing life and giving me life. it has been an emotional past week or so, but excited to see how the Lord continues to hold my life in His hands, every detail, every way He will use me- however that may be- i am overjoyed!

memoirs of korea

the pictures are worth so much more to me than i could say in words...i feel so blessed to have gotten to go to seoul this past week. it was an amazing trip with so many memories that were made with my mom and in my life in general that will last forever. i had written out in my journal during the trip all of what i wanted to blog, but naturally it changes (what i want to write about). i am beyond grateful for being able to go on this trip. i feel so much was taken away from this trip that it is hard to be home. i am praying the Lord will show me how and if He wants me to use this trip and experience in ministering to people and sharing His love with others. only as of a few years ago did i see sharing my adoption story as part of my testimony. it is a privilege for me to claim adoption but to understand God's love more personally with going through adoption and growing up knowing that process. seeing my file at holt and going through the papers (which we have a copy of at home and i have seen years ago) brought a lot of emotions. part of me was sad to see that i was given a "number" and just assigned a name, and to think about what a birth mom has to go through to have a baby and give that child up to someone else. it definitely brought out gratefulness, i felt so grateful to have the perfect family and home and grateful even to my birth mom for choosing adoption and choosing to give me life as hard as that may have been for her. i can't imagine how hard that is. it made me sad too for the babies we got to meet at holt post adoption services. these babies "wait" in the reception center until either 1) they are adopted 2) they go to a foster home 3) they go to an orphanage. korean babies can be adopted after 5 months. they can only stay at the holt reception center until about 2 years old. that was definitely a sad experience for me to see and i wish i could have taken home all of those babies. my heart is full of gratitude but also sadness and a desire to give of my resources to help holt in their services and care for those babies that are brought to their office. the lady we met with told us of devastating stories of babies that are reported to them that have just been found dead in trash cans or lockers at schools. i know that is graphic and hard to take in, but can you imagine? i compare going to korea and coming back as kindof when you come back from a missions trip and your life is changed and put into perspective. i came home to a broken air conditioner...with my apt being a whopping 95 degrees. i've tried so hard to not complain- thinking about those babies and that they don't even have a "home" that could even have an air conditioner- there are greater things and problems than my broken air conditioner. so here i am sweating...but still thankful- which is so difficult! another experience i am grateful for on this trip was being able to go to the isaac home. the fact that we were even able to find this children's home (orphanage) was an experience in itself. we took the subway, which not much is in english. along the way, we made friends with several people when we were trying to find people who spoke english and could help us. the highlight of this experience was meeting the little girl that our family sponsors through orphanos (sponsored by first evan). we never met the first little girl we sponsored, but it was so special to see her and see the orphanage that we sponsor. we have met the director mrs noh before through church friends when she came to visit in memphis. it was the same emotional roller coaster- excited and grateful yet sad for these children going through what i could have gone through had i not been adopted. anyway, i think my heart is just full of things and spread over what to do next and praying about how to make those desires of helping be put into action! the lady we met with at holt told us that the korean system/government is ttalking strongly about closing international adoptions from korea, which would be terrible. orphanages would be the solution. she also told me to wait to try and search for my birth mother, as that can break up and tear apart a family if she is married now and has children and has never told them she had a child so long ago. so i am planning on writing a letter and sending photos to put in my "file" so if she were to be in contact with holt, she can read the letter and see pictures. in the letter i am going to ask if she would send a letter/pictures for me to see of herself and if i have any brothers and sisters. as far as actually meeting her, that doesn't have to happen and especially not anytime soon. family is a big part of the korean culture and tearing that apart would not be something i want to do. my mom and i also got to visit with paul and rachel which was so much fun! so fun to see where they live and their daily life places they go to and visit. i hope to one day go back. it was so great to see the korean culture and where i was born. it brought emotions i knew i would feel and experience. such a blessing!